Giving it to God

I'm so content this morning...

Each night when I go to bed, I say my prayers, and often include a request for someone else other than the usual: friends and family. Last night I prayed for someone who has been really hurtful to someone I love. I asked God to guide her to a more positive way of life and to lead her to happiness & contentment in her life. I tend to think she acts the way she does and treats people so terribly, because of all the negatives in her life. I could be wrong. But in any case, I'm proud of myself that I was able to turn my anger/animosity into a positive. I gave it to God and I feel better about not "hating" her but choosing to ask God to bless her.

Looking for my place

If you haven't noticed; I have background music on my blog now... and usually I choose a song that goes along with the theme of "life". This time around I chose a song that was a good soundtrack to how I've been feeling lately.

I'm struggling to find lately; what exactly it is that I'm supposed to be doing with my life. I feel so lost these days & I can't figure out what I want out of this life.
I KNOW that I want to go back to school and I KNOW that I want to do something with my life that defines me.. but I just don't know what it is. Everyone asks the same question: " Well what is it that you like or that you want to do?" .... I can't even answer that question. Is that pathetic? I know my current job is a good one, and that there are so many reasons why I should stay... but in my heart, I feel like there is something out there that I'm meant to do. I've always said that I wanted to have a career that was rewarding... and not in the way of material things, but in the way that I can come home each day and rest assured that I've made a difference somewhere. I've gone back & forth with the idea of maybe becoming a nurse, or a social worker. I know that they're not easy jobs to assume but I'd be willing to work hard at what I do. For so long, I was set on becoming a Medical Secretary and staying on the "other side" of the desk, but now I'm not so sure that I'd be content in that position. I wish I could go to a life coach or something. I know that no one can really sit down and say "Dawn, this is what you want to do"... I just need help figuring it out I guess. I'm going to be 32 in April, and it's totally unacceptable to me, to be in this "place" in my life. I find comfort, sort of, knowing that I'm not the only person in this rut.. but that doesn't make it any less of a worry. I honestly don't know where to begin to figure it out. I keep remembering Father O'Donnell stressing that God put us all here for a reason and I believe that I have a "task" or a purpose, (better words)... Maybe if I pray to God and ask Him to show me, I'll receive my answers. Whether it will be a piece of mail that comes or some other message I receive.
I just don't like the uncertainty of not knowing what I want to do with the rest of my life, career wise... But I am determined to figure that out.


Yick, what a boring & blubbering blog...!! But I feel much better now that I've got it off my chest!

Calgon take me away

I've been trying to plan our vacation for this year. Jeff and I are both taking a full week (I get 10 days, he gets 5) ... and we're definitely set on going away. Not just taking a day trip here or there, but we want to actually go somewhere. I can honestly say that I haven't been on a vacation in ages! I've done a couple days at the shore here and there but never actually went somewhere other than that.
I ordered a Tennesee visitors' guide last year and then I just got a Virginia visitors/vacation guide in the mail. We've been leaning towards maybe going somewhere in VA, but I'm still researching and trying to figure out where exactly we want to land and what we'll do. There are several places that spark my interest. Jeff really likes the history side of what VA has to offer. He would really like the Civil War attractions. I know I have to get it planned soon so we can reserve a place to stay. I figure we'll go for a few days and then use the other 2 to either take a day trip or just be lazy and hang around locally.
I'll continue to work on making the plans and setting up the itinerary... for some odd reason, Jeff lets me do that part!

Trying to catch up

I haven't posted since Sunday! What is the deal!?
This is why I need a laptop. I get so paranoid at work that people are always looking over my shoulder or walking by and seeing my screen, so I rarely blog at work. This sucks the most because it's always during the day that my thoughts are the "freshest".. Oh well, I'll just have to try and remember things.
While it's fresh on my mind, I was excited to learn last night that Renee is coming 'home' for a visit! Already put in for a vacation day at work. So that way I'll have 3 days off... so we're getting our thoughts together and figuring out what to do. Probably a night at the casinos. Moreso to go out on the town, not so much for gambling. Neither of us are big into gambling, and I know for me at least, I usually stop at $40 and on a rare occassion have gone an extra $20. I don't know why I'm thinking it, but I think Renee hasn't been home in 2 years. I remember for my 30th birthday she was here but I don't remember after that. In any case, I'm glad she's coming - I'm looking forward to spending time with her. We've been friend since Kindergarten. Can you imagine a friendship spanning that many years already.. To think that when we're 60, we'll be saying the same thing! lol

In other news, I hope this day's over soon and even better when the week is!
I'm pissed off today and it involves work so I need to get out of here.

The weekend? You mean It's over?!

Kinda bummed that I didn't make my weight watchers weigh in on Friday. Slept in a little and then went to Olde City with my two favorite girls! Maya had her first ride on the train.(Speedline)... it was really cute. I think she liked it. I only say "think" because she didn't really express her feelings about it either way. It was way too cute how she held onto the seat in front of her.. we got pics! I'll post as soon as I can get them on the computer. We went into Olde City to get lunch at Pizzicato (Yum! Our fav place) and then we went into the Constitution Center Gift Shop to get Maya a souvenir of her first trip to Philly! We even made one of those cool pennies in that nifty machine that they have where the penny comes out all stretched?? Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?

Saturday was a lazy day for me... Well, not lazy, but I did nothing but wash pretty much. I ran to the deli and got some cold cuts for lunch and concentrated on getting the mountainous load of laundry done. Jeff and I went to Chester (casino) on Saturday night -- I was winning. Not much. But I came home with nothing. I was up $45 on a penny machine, which wasn't bad.. last time I was at $75 which is even better!
So yes, back to work. I've laughed a lot today. I don't know if I'm just tired and giddy or what, but I've been really releasing some endorphins today! Good for me.

Following up

Just following up on my previous post about my dream. I know, if you read that post, that you probably were very curious to hear about it. So first I'll tell you that, lately (more so now than ever), I've been putting a lot of thought into the idea of my never having children. I think the dream came about as a result of me talking to my friend Renee about it. We were discussing "things" and she asked if I could even have children, based on what I was telling her. The answer, I suppose, is not a simple NO. With all of today's alternatives for conception, I'd be lying if I said I "couldn't" have children. Can I have them naturally? That would be a simple NO. My OB-GYN and I have discussed it, not at great lengths I'll admit.. but she had said if I did want to get pregnant someday, she'd refer me to a specialist who deals with fertility and all that good stuff. Evidently, I'm not equipped. I haven't gotten to the bottom of what it exactly is that I'm "lacking" per se, but the bottom line is that something is not working or producing correctly. While I can't remember the entire place or subject of the dream, what I do remember so vividly about the dream is that I was sobbing and "begging" God to please give me a child. It was so sad in the dream, I can still see my face. Talk about sadness. I guess maybe as my 32nd birthday nears, I've had the tendency to dwell on the issue a little more. I've always wanted to be a mother.. but in my heart of hearts, even when I was younger and had none of these female issues, I had the strongest feeling that I wouldn't ever have children. I thought back then, that I was just going through the old "too good to be true" phase but now I wonder if I just knew something. I don't talk about it much, other than with my closest friends and Jeff, but it does in fact bother me. Depresses me even. I've always felt like I have what it takes to be a mom, everyone tells me that I do. But I know it. It's the one thing that I'm confident in, if nothing else. I've always wanted that bond, and that love that comes along with a child. I think about all the things I'll never experience. Childbirth, birthdays, school days, and just your every memories. A miniature me.. a little boy or girl that looks just like me or just like his/her daddy. Scrapbooks, lockets of hair, fingerprints/footprints, someone calling me "Mommy", Cheerios invading the floors of my car......
Jeff can say what he wants, but I know that he always thought about children before I came along, and probably had every intention/dream of being a father one day. Not that I should worry about it, but sometimes I wonder if others wonder why I haven't had any children, or if I don't want children, etc.. etc.. If they only knew.

I wonder if they see the car seat in my car and figure that I've got kids...


I often say that if I won the lottery, the first thing I'd do is adopt a child. Well, after I bought a big ass house! lol
I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me - These are just my very personal thoughts on a very personal issue. And it's been eating at me for some time.
Then, Jeff was talking to his friend's wife the other day and when he told her we'd been together 7 yrs almost, she said "Wow! You two need to have kids!"....
If she only knew.

What the hell did I eat going to bed!!??

Had such a peculiar dream last.. Not really up to posting all the details right now but I will. This will serve as a reminder when I see this post again.

It might even have been borderline dream/nightmare. And as with any dream, when I awoke, I tried to figure out what thoughts or events led to that dream - I remembered soon after searching my mind.

****************************************************************

I'm disappointed that I didn't post yesterday! I had so many thoughts racing through my mind yesterday - what better time to blog! But I was so busy at work I just didn't get a minute to do it. This is why I need a laptop. I can write on my breaks/lunch hour at work, I could write while I'm sitting in bed at night. Now I can hardly remember ALL of what I wanted to post yesterday - of course one of the subjects that stands out, is the one that brought on that very strange dream. I guess it wasn't "strange" per se, but it was deep. If that makes any sense.

Well, back to work for me. I'm over the hump! Thursday can not get here and over soon enough. Tomorrow, I'm doing movies & dinner with a friend from work. That's always a nice release. Boy, can we women talk forever!

Weight Loss Ticker

This post is strictly for Weight Loss updates...



Feel free to post comments... this is where I'll keep track!

Life is precious.......

I posted this link on MySpace and forgot to put it in here...

If you have already heard about Nate's blog, then you know all about Baby Gwyneth.... If not, copy the link and get to know Nate, Tricia & Gwyneth.

I'm calling special attention to the video he posted of him holding his baby girl .... for what was the real first time!

It's not like the tears that you cry when you watch a sappy love story; this is REAL LIFE and it's the most endearing thing I have probably ever witnessed.

http://cfhusband.blogspot.com/

Carl Sandburg:
A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.

First Flyers Game!

Jeff and I went to the Flyers game last night. It was my first.

We had 3 Box Club or (Club Box) tickets that his brother-in-law offered us, so that was really nice! Jeff's been wanting to go to a game - he's a big fan. We ended up taking his dad and I think he enjoyed the game too!

It was pretty neat.. not as exciting as football ( I went to my first f/b game with my sister in December). I liked the idea that with these seats, there is a bar right behind you and you have your own "room" and bathroom, and they even have servers. The walk up to our seats on the Club Level was crazy! We passed all of these delectable food and dessert carts! It was like a fancy hotel on this floor. We passed all these box seats and suites.. it was like something out of a movie!
Once you turn your order in for food, they bring it to your seat. But I have to say that the food was less than desirable - which really aggravates me considering the prices! And on top of it, they were ice cold!
We paid $21 for 2 hot dogs and a cheeseburger. The "jumbo" dogs came with nothing that they were supposed to.. But I didn't bother giving the server any grief over it... It was a nice time all in all & Jeff ended up getting a nice Flyers shirt for $25 which I thought was pretty good...

Just when we were having fun and enjoying the game -- they showed a video of this family whose little boy was being honored and given a Flyers Jersey. Evidently, they have (or had- and I use that term lightly) 3 children. One of their 2 sons was diagnosed with an unknown immune system disorder and sadly he died... now the 2nd son has it as well and is going or has gone blind.
It was so sad ... they introduced them and then after the video they put them on camera and presented the jersey to them.. the little boy came out with a surgical mask on .. So to prevent germs etc.. How precious he was.. but it just wrenched my heart out to hear their story and see them there with this precious little angel.
I didn't know how to get back in the swing of all the excitement after that!
I was saying to Jeff that it was so ironic that both boys had been diagnosed with the disease but I wondered aloud why the little girl hadn't. Jeff turned around to me in his most serious face/tone and said "Well, just thank God that she wasn't".
I can't imagine how they dealt with losing a child the first time and I pray that they don't have to go through it again.

I did it -- AGAIN

Finally went and joined Weight Watchers (again). I went during the open hours, so I got to just go in, pay my "first meeting" fee and get weighed in.

I weighed in at 176. (Yes, unlike most women, I have no qualms telling you all how much I weigh! lol) I figure it's no big secret.. you can see me by looking at me anyway.
So I'm at 17% my target weight... which should be about 145. It shouldn't be so hard cause God knows it's easy to GAIN that much but it's much harder to lose!

So anyway, I'm giving it another go and I hope to reach my goal weight this time.
I'll add even add a ticker so I can update it each week!



(this is the ticker - but I'll create a post all it's own so I can update from there each week)

If you are looking to lose weight - I definitely recommend Weight Watchers.. I was vert satisfied when I went before... The meetings are your support system and they really are what keeps me interested. I know a few people who have gone the WW way and they look great! Yay, Carol!!

So I'll keep you up to date on things and progress.
I hope to be able to use this one soon:
Wish me luck!!

Wednesday!

Tomorrow is one day closer to my work week ending! Hot diggity dog!
It's been a busy week, and I'm just waiting for Friday to get here so I can do some errands, straighten up and get rid of some junk.
I need to utilize my time better on my days off.... I like to sleep in til at least 9 usually, but I need to get my day started sooner and get things going. I always make a list of what I need to do and then I leave it home and never fulfill it!
Then I whine and complain all day about what I didn't get done ETC.


I sent my niece something to cheer her up, she had an incident and really injured her finger... (not good, she lost the tip of it!) ... so I sent her a cute little "thinking of you" package from The Popcorn Factory. By the looks of *it (*the nifty UPS tracking site), she should get it before this Friday. I hope it's a nice surprise!

Bittersweet

Today my dad came home from the hospital. He says he feels good; he looks great, and he's got all his meds the doctor prescribed. All 4 of them! Whew!

We took a cake over after dinner, his favorite: Strawberry Shortcake! It was so nice to see him home where he's comfortable, relaxing and watching TV.

When it came time to put the candles on the cake and sing; it was such an emotional event. Just 4 days ago, he had a heart attack - we're so thankful that he was here for this birthday. It goes to show that you never really know. We're encouraged to live life fully and never leave til tomorrow the words and actions that you want to express today. I think I'm one of those people who takes for granted that people know how I feel, but I can't think like that. My dad and I were close when I was little but then for some reason, as I got older, I leaned more toward my mom. It never meant that I loved my dad any less. I just lost that connection, I thought, somewhere along the way. I often pray that my dad knows how much I love him, and I think he does, but I wish I was better at saying it. I don't even know the last time I hugged or kissed my dad, I know it was years ago.... and I know if you're reading this, you're probably thinking "wow!" ... but don't judge me based on that.

It's something I need to work on, and I accept that. So my advice to you: Love with all your heart, live with all your might. Make sure that those you love,know it.

Shake.. Shake... Shake

Worth a chuckle -

My niece, who has been speaking very well these days..putting words into sentences and such.. was strolling through the house last night, humming something that sounded awfully close to "shake your booty".. When I asked her to clarify what I already thought she was saying, she in fact was saying... "Shake, shake, shake, shake your booty!".. Pretty funny eh?

I'm amazed at the changes every day... She is just so cute!
She also was pointing to a picture of me and saying "Dawnie"... which she hasn't said since she started speaking.. She refers to me as Dee Dee.
That knocked my socks off too!!

Children are so unpredictable but that in itself is such a delight!

Prayers

I forgot to add this previously but just as well, it should probably have it's own post.

Here are some things I'm praying for. If you pray, please include these requests in yours today. Thank you!

• Pray for my dad's health and well being.
  
• Pray for Nate & Tricia http://cfhusband.blogspot.com/
  
• Pray for my friend Amy in her search for a new home.
  
• Pray for my cousins, who recently lost their mom.
  
• Pray for my family, to find peace and contentment this year.
  
• Pray for my friend who is trying to concieve.
  
• Pray for Alice -http://livinglifebreathlessly.blogspot.com/
  

Doing well.....

Dad is still doing well...he says he feels fine. Last night when we went to see him he was so bitchy! I told him I was glad I wasn't his nurse and that I felt bad for her.. (in a joking way of course.) But he was really crabby... he hates that food that they're feeding him... not only is hospital food bland to begin with, but he's there for his heart, so naturally they're giving him a heart healthy diet too..
Low or no salt, and all that other heart-wise stuff. He wants a big fat juicy burger! lol

I think they might release him on Monday or Tuesday.. I know he wants to be out of there tomorrow but it's all up to the docs. Monday is his birthday so it would be nice if he came home, but we'll have to see. I guess we'll all go over there with a small cake, etc (which we do every year anyway)... Last year was his 60th so we had him a big bash at Adelphia's in Deptford... it was such a nice turnout.

I'm glad that he continues to feel well and is up and about. I've went to see him every day since he's been there. Pretty sad 'cause I never made that effort when he's home, but I guess it's a lesson to learn, that we should always make the effort because you just never know what could happen.
I don't ever want to have to live with that "what ifs".

Hope everyone has a good week.


Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
Deuteronomy 5:16

'Til Tomorrow

I should so be in bed right now .. but I just e-filed my taxes and decided to blog before bed.. This way maybe I won't be tossing and turning. I think I tend to go to bed with a head full of thoughts and it keeps me up.

I went to see my dad today. He looked good and he was up and moving around. He likes to use the bathroom at the end of the hall rather than the one in his room.
Not sure if it's because the one in his room is literally a corner with a curtain and toilet/sink.. or if he just likes to get out of the room and move. I think it's the latter.

I feel bad that he's really got a hankering for a cigarette.. It's been 24 hours!
But he can't have it.. Sorry Dad! Doc says no.
The food can be pretty bland but if he can just stick it out, he'll be fine. I brought him up some Oreo's and some black licorice. I hope that was ok.. but I think they're more focused on a low-fat, low cholesterol thing.. I assume that sweets are ok..??

Back up there tomorrow for a few hours... I found myself there today for 4 hours!
It doesn't ever seem that you've been there that long.. I just wanted to stay there and make sure he had company. Although, after dinner, he was super tired and just wanted to sleep. They keep coming in, what seems like every 5 hrs, and taking blood samples.. He hates that too. The ICU room is not comfortable for him, but is it ever?? Hopefully they move him to a regular room by tomorrow, so he feels a little better.

Well, that's all folks... I'm out of words and out of energy!

Keep us in your prayers.

Dad

Well, the call came yesterday while I was at work. My stepmom calling to tell me that my dad was having a heart attack at work and was rushed to the hospital.



The hospital he was taken to did some things and decided that he needed surgery and they transfered him to another local hospital where they have a "state of the art" cath lab. The doctor attending, actually drove up there to the other hospital and performed the surgery. All went well with the surgery. Doctor says there's damage, naturally, but that they got the blockage out and though there are a couple more that they saw, they're going to treat them with aggressive meds. He's in ICU right now and then will move to a regular floor .. before being released. That will be Tuesday at the earliest.. Maybe Monday. We saw him shortly after coming out of surgery, and he was his self (at least as could be expected).
Seemed to be in good spirits considering what he'd gone through.

I can only remember feeling almost numb driving to the hospital, but I had this strange feeling that he was going to be ok. In some situations, that could be called "denial", but I truly felt like he would be fine. It seemed that he got medical help in good time! They have a medical/EMS staff right there.
Thank God. So once he comes home, the doc says that he needs to quit smoking, and curtail (maybe stop altogether) the caffeinated coffee. Boy, he is going to need a padded room! He has done both for SO MANY years. But he does need to follow the doctor's orders. Heart Disease is nothing to play with. It's not picky. My pop-pop (dad's father) died in his early sixties of a massive heart attack. So the genes are there. That makes me think that we (my siblings and I) need to start taking our health seriously. I already know that I'm overweight by about 40 lbs, so I need to take the necessary steps to better my health too.

I'm so glad that my dad is going to be ok.. I hope the meds will help to clear up the other remaining blockages. I pray that he'll stick to the new lifestyle changes and adhere to the doctor's orders to quit smoking. It will be hard, I know that, but I pray that God will give him strength (or help him find the strength) to do it. I know he can. I believe in Him and I believe in my dad.

I have to do a couple things around the house today and then I will head up.
I talked to him for a few mins while I was on here, and he asked me to bring up a WaWa coffee for him 'cause the "stuff" they gave him this morning was TERRIBLE.
So, off I am, to do some house chores, and then head to get Dad his coffee.
One DECAF coming right up!

Happy Hump Day!

Well, not really for me.. I was over the hump on Tuesday 'cause my work week ends on Thursday. I can't wait til Friday when I can sleep in. Only til around 9 but it's still better than 6:30!
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I just started reading this book called The Gift Of A Year by Mira Kirshenbaum, and I really encourage you to read it ladies! (or gentlemen)
I've only just started reading it but it's really got my attention and even this early into it, I just feel like it's going to be very instrumental in my life this year! Maybe every year! You have to check it out, if only to see what it's all about. It's not fiction - it's more of a self-help book. To sum it up, it's about having the best year of your life. The Gift of a Year meaning that you take one full year to give to yourself, whatever it is that you really want out of life. I've read some stories so far about women who've done it and some of the things were minor.. like writing poetry or rekindling the love of gardening. Others were major, like going to a foreign country for a year etc. It's a wonderful book and I just know it's going to be my favorite for this year.
Here are some excerpts and I KNOW for a fact that at least ONE person who reads this blog, will relate to it!

This Is a Year I'll Always
Treasure


"What is the gift of a year, and why
is it important?"





You're a special kind of woman. You say yes to life and to people. You're responsible and caring, ambitious and hardworking. So you've piled your plate with commitments. But now your commitments have taken on a life of their own. They've taken over your life. Because of all the people you've said yes to, needs and dreams of your own have gotten choked out. What's best in you is suffocating, and you know it.

What's the last big thing you did just for yourself?




When a Little Is Not Enough




Sure, we all do little things for ourselves from time to time. You buy an outfit because you like it, not because you need it. You go off for a day with a friend just because the two of you want to reconnect. You say no to some outrageous unreasonable chickenshit assignment your boss gives you.

All this is good, but can you name something meaningful you've done just for you recently? You rearrange your life for others. When's the last time the people who are important to you rearranged their lives for you?

You work incredibly hard and make a lot of sacrifices to keep things running smoothly in many people's lives. Who works hard and makes sacrifices to keep things running smoothly in your life?

You can name a whole list of people who come before you in your life. Who puts you first? Do you ever put yourself first?

Not very often, I'll bet, and almost never in a really big way, in a way that really matters to you and delivers a big payoff to the needs and dreams and desires of your real self. I know ... what else can you do? I know. My life is as full of commitments as anyone's. I'm married. I have two kids. I have at least two jobs. If I found a way to put myself first for once in my life and take care of what I needed to thrive—and I'll tell you how I did it later—so can you.




Whatever You Want




What are those needs and dreams that have fallen by the wayside for you? They're different for every woman, of course. With billions of women on the planet, there are billions of possibilities. Maybe what you need is to solve a particular problem—get on top of the stress at work, or find a way to get more fun and pleasure from your life, or stop getting involved with men who aren't good for you.

Maybe you want to make a specific dream come true—finally go back to school, or learn how to climb mountains, or take that trip to Paris.

Maybe you just need a real rest. Because sometimes simply doing nothing is the one thing your mind and body crave most. Or maybe you'd like to resolve a long-simmering issue in your life. Or get your life more organized. Or put the "you" back in your life. Or have some adventures. Or figure out where you want to go next with your life. Or do whatever you want.

Do you think you're the only woman in the world who's had to struggle with not getting her needs met? Of course not. Every woman struggles with this. And don't you think that with so many women in the same situation, an amazing solution would turn up? It has.

Hoping for a better day

Yesterday was such a hellish day, I pray that today will be much better.
The good thing was that since it was so crazy yesterday, in that it was BUSY as hell, the time went so fast. I took lunch at 2:45 - which is super late considering I'm done at 5!

Anyhoo - on to a new day today. Tuesdays are not as hectic but I won't speak too soon. You just never know.

I'm super hungry this morning but I'm fighting the urge to order a sandwich from the place around the corner. They're so good! - but I have oatmeal in my desk but I don't really want that, I want something yummier!... I have to have more will power.

Weight Watchers is on my list of things to do this week... I hope I get there.
I'm going to make every attempt to get to the gym too... I might as well; I'm still paying my dues every month!

It's been confirmed.....

No,.. I've been confirmed.

I forgot to mention the news that I finally did make my confirmation.

January 6th was my day! I'm so happy to have taken such a big step in the right direction. What a day of joy this was for me and those who stood by me through my journey. I've re-established my relationship with God, and it has been such a life changing experience. I don't expect everyone to understand, and I don't preach to others about it... I'm just not ashamed to speak of it.
This was something I'd wanted to do for so long, and I'm proud of myself that I finally accomplished it. I'm not one of those gung-ho born again Christians ... I still do things I shouldn't, I curse like a trucker,etc... but in other aspects, it's making me a better person.

Happy New Year!(?)

Boy, I sure hope that 2008 is a better year than '07. I know it seems like everyone is saying that lately, but hey, guess that's how we all feel.
'07 was a year of 'hurt' and unhappiness for me and for those I love.
Of course, it wasn't ALL bad... there was the joy of being with family when the occasion rose, and the constant sunshine of being with my niece and watching her grow. Every day was a good day in that aspect! I hope to accomplish more this year than I did ever before. I'm even promising to blog more often! It helps to let everyone know what I'm thinking and how life is, when we're all too busy to ask or tell. I have a short list that I want to be able to look at in December of this year, and see all the 'checks marks next to each task (noting that it was completed!)

To all of you: May 2008 be a year of sheer happiness, warm memories, and new adventures!

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was nice - it wasn't overly joyous, based on the company but it's just nice to be with 'family' and enjoy a nice meal.

I'm thankful for a lot of things this year and every year.

Let me do it in an elementary school format-


Things I'm thankful for:

* my wonderful, though nutty, family
* my awesome, though equally nutty, friends
* my sisters and my brother who are so dear to me
* my niece who remains a constant joy in my life and who teaches me about life in all her own little ways. I'm so thankful to be an aunt!
* my health - although not 100% - I'm thankful for health and life.
* God - for giving me the pull that brought me back to Him and church.

I'm just really thankful for everything I take for granted on a daily basis... big and small.

Mission Accomplished!

In following up to my Bountiful Feast post where I mentioned the site I created to provide food to those in need; I'm glad to say that it was a success.

I only ended up with 3 families/individuals that we helped but it was better than zero.

Jeff and I made the deliveries (two of which were almost an hour away)... and it wasn't so bad. I was so thankful for all the help I received from everyone... and a little disappointed in those that I didn't..

I hope I can do this again next year or even carry it over and maybe do something for Christmas!

It was a great feeling to be able to help those in need.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving .. spending it with loved ones.

Still spinning.....

Things are still nutty around here. Life has really been a whirlwind this year, but I hope, with 2008 quickly coming up on us, that it will be a much better year than 2007 has been. I've had a lot of happiness this year but I feel like the sadness has kept up with it, running a close second all the way.

I'm a little discouraged at some of the decisions that are being made as a result of some of the things that are taking place... but I know that I have no power to change those things. I just wish that those involved would use better judgement and really consider a situation before taking any big, abrupt steps and making decisions that could affect their lives and the lives of others in the long run.

Some days, and not often, I find myself feeling overwhelmed with a feeling of helplessness.. like I want to be able to "fix" everything. I realize I can't do that but I really want to make an effort to try.. I had one day this weekend, where I was struggling with some emotions and I just knew that I was going to break down but I managed not to.. I know I should have let it out because it always feels so much better.

On a good note, I've been getting food together from family and friends to add to the baskets I'll be giving to the needy this Thanksgiving. I got a really nice reception from friends at work who are really eager to help in my task.
There's really only about 3 families I have lined up so far but if I only fed one family, it would still be enough.

Have a Great Sunday & an even better week!

updates all around .....

Haven't been on in ages. I feel like I've been so busy lately but then I sit back and try to account for what I've been doing with my time and I'm at a loss! lol

Anyway - Just wanted to post some updates - mainly just this one.

I created a website for my newest endeavor... I'm going to provide food baskets for the needy during Thanksgiving and Christmas. I really hope I get some help from the community and friends/family. So far, I've got a couple leads and am working on some new ones.. I put a posting and a link on the wishuponahero website and I received some great feedback on there...
Please view my site and consider helping to make a difference...

Thanks so much!!
http://bountifulfeast.weebly.com

Stop the world...I want to get off!

Things are so crazy here lately. I can't believe how things have taken such a turn from this time last year. I know life's about changing etc.. but that's gotten a little out of hand now.. I have a million things on my mind - trying to sort things out and figure out how I can help lighten the burden on those people whose live's are in turmoil.. I just can't seem to come up with a quick-fix.

Both of my sisters are getting divorced. So that's always a tough situation.
I hate that my niece is in the middle of one of them. I know that's not what my sister wanted to ever see happen. It really sucks.. Such an unfortunate situation for both of them. I hope that somewhere along the way, they both find some contentment in their lives and if eventually they find someone to share their lives with, then so be it.. I wish them all the happiness they can possibly handle!
They didn't deserve to be dealt such shitty cards but they're handling it the best they can I guess... I just don't understand some people - mainly men in this case.
Who make big life decisions and then just decide that they want to reverse it? It doesn't happen like that...

And women?!! Women who move in on married men! It just makes me physically ill.

Longing ....

I came across a website the other day - and on there was a happily married couple who are looking to adopt a child. I was so moved by their plea and their story, that I had to send them a message. In the age of people killing their newborns or disposing of them anywhere they can, it's so heartwarming to see a story of such longing and desire to have and raise a child they'll call their own.

I really wish them the best and hope that this turns out for them.

Forgiveness

I've always been a big advocate of forgiveness - usually when it comes to almost anything. Lately, there's been a lot of talk about forgiving.. (more so when we talk about sinning and forgiveness at church). I just wish people were more forgiving in their lives. I know it's not always easy and for some major things, you just don't or can't forgive someone, but it's such a burden to bear when you hold onto those feelings. I was remembering the other night, when it came up at church, a time in my life that I forgave someone quickly and without a second thought -
When my brother was hit by a car a few years back.. I was scared to death! He was in critical condition initially, which always scares the pants off of you... and I can remember most of my family just wanting to hurt the guy who hit him..and just wishing bad things on him.. but what I remember about myself is that I found myself wondering about the man that hit him. Wondering if he was ok and if he was worried about my brother? I knew he was. I wanted to go to his home and tell him that he my brother was going to be ok, just so that he'd know and could get some peace from it. It wasn't intentional - the man stopped when he hit him. Who knows to this day; what really happened that day. All that matters is that my brother is here today. I know that a couple people probably still wonder how I had such compassion for this man, but it's not really hard to explain. It actually gave me peace that I could forgive him.. It was an accident.

My heart hurts

These past few weeks, or maybe months, I have been really discouraged by humanity. People around me have shown such a lack of compassion and respect in different instances lately.. and I find it so disheartening.
I don't feel like getting into specifics right now.. I just can't believe that people can be so cold and have no or little compassion for those people around them..who are in situations that are NOT desirable.. whether it's a sickness, or a shortcoming; whatever the case .. these people around me, in my immediate surroundings, on a daily basis, are just unbelievable. I take pride in being who I am and that I have a huge heart..I just wish I could instill the same qualities/ideals in others. I know that's not humanly possible but it just really sucks...

Coming to know Him

So far, so good with my confirmation class. I feel like I'm learning alot as I go. I have a lot of questions each week - either after I read the assigned chapters in my book or when we have class on Thursday. Luckily, J is very knowledgeable and I'm able to discuss things at length with him.. which helps me to better understand and hopefully comprehend things...

I don't know how my fellow 'class mates' like it; but I really enjoy when we go over the discussion questions at the end of each assigned-reading chapter. It gives us a chance to discuss personal views/feelings on various topics.. and it's enlightening to hear what others have gotten from it..spiritually/emotionally.

I found that I need peace and quiet when I decide to sit down and read my book - or I can't fully concentrate. I highlight and make notations on the topics or phrases that interest me or that I have questions about.


Even though it's not complete, I do believe that I'm coming to know and understand Christ as I've never before.
It's such an enriching journey I'm on here ...

Finding me....

I feel like I'm in such a slump lately. I've been going through hell trying to figure out what it is I want to do with my life.. career-wise.
J and I were discussing it at length the past couple days and he was even kind of interested that I don't know what it is I want to do. The thing is I have narrowed it down somewhat.. I know that I want to be in the Medical field, like I've planned for so long... but now I'm even toying with the idea of maybe going into Legal Studies and becoming a paralegal. Law and things of that nature, really intrigue me.. so I imagine I'd be really satisfied in that field. As for the Medical thing, I've always wanted to be in the clerical aspect of that field.. not really hands on. I could be a Medical Secretary with the proper schooling.. I don't know what's taking me so long to get things up and running.. I've been researching some online courses (certificate programs) at various schools either in the area or not.. and I've already arranged how to pay for it and what time period I want to take the course. Geez, I should have had all this figured out by now - no? I'd love to graduate college and get my associates... I have all these things I want to do and wish I could do, but yet I never take the steps to accomplish these goals. I need to realize that it's not just going to fall in my lap one day when I least expect it....I have to make it happen!!
Honestly, I need to sit down and make a plan and get it in action. I don't like feeling so down ( for a lack of better words) ... and INCOMPLETE. I'm 31 - I need to figure things out. Life is happening and I'm just sitting here....

Change of plans

Well, we didn't make it to the Weight Watchers meeting to register like we planned.
Monday turned out to be a very hectic day with lots of unplanned obstacles. For both of us. So we're planning to go next Monday. I don't want to keep putting it off - We need to go!


And in other news - Tonight's the Genesis concert .. Not a big fan but Jeff loves Genesis so I'm going with him. It will probably be a good concert. Anything note-worthy, I'll blog it.

Weight Watchers .... Take 2

Well, I finally recruited someone to go to WW with me! I'm so excited - I really think that I'll stick it out this time. I don't know why I ever left the last time but it always helps to have someone to go to these things with.. so hopefully we both stay committed and really get some great results!


I think we'll do well .. We both really want to lose weight and we both need to.
We're at a point in our lives where we want to lose the weight and hopefully keep it off. The meetings help because it gives you that support environment and you get a lot of information out of it... other members' insight and great stories of weight loss and reaching goals. I know it's just a matter of deciding to do it and then setting your mind to it and accomplishing it.

I'll keep weekly updates on my progress... hopefully with cool little tickers and charts!

my-calorie-counter.com    The webs free Diet Log

Thoughts...and more thoughts...

Saw an interesting quote today:
"Every one dies; not everyone really lives". Thought that was worth sharing, especially on a day like today.

Today being September 11th.

I always think back to where I was and what I was doing on that dreadful day.
I was working for a family as a nanny at the time, and I know I was taking a walk with Justin. ..He was in the stroller and it was such a beautiful day out. I was just enjoying being outside and taking in the beauty of nature. I remember thinking what a great day it was so far. Not so for thousands of people in minutes to come after those thoughts.

I had just made it back to the house when Beth (my boss) had called me and asked if I had the TV on... so when I turned it on I just saw the 2nd plane crash into the building. At this point; I realized and she did too, that it wasn't an accident.

In addition to all of the passengers and staff on those plans; I hate knowing that there were children on those planes and what they must have went through! The fear in their little hearts/minds. It makes my heart ache to even fathom. I try not to. it's just not a day that anyone will ever forget. God Bless all those who were lost to it...in the planes and at Ground Zero. And God Bless everyone who lost someone to the tragedy.
I hope you all find strength and solace in the memories...

I'm getting confirmed....

No, really... I am.
I decided to go ahead and complete my sacraments. It only seems right to do it since I've recently just got back into church and so in touch with my faith again..after all this time. I'm really happy about it - It's a big step in the right direction for me. Last Thursday was the 'organizational' meeting. We (all 5 of us!) got aquainted, introduced, and also got a brief outline of how the class works, what books we'll be using, meeting times, place, etc...
I was a little embarassed when Father O'Donnell announced that I was the reason the class was even created! He said that after my persistent phone calls expressing my interest in the class, he decided that, if for no other reason, they'd have the class for me! That was pretty cute but funny. So alas, the class has started and in January sometime, we'll be confirmed in the Catholic Church. Yay!
Stay tuned for any updates - anything that I learn that I find share-worthy!

Summer '07

Guess the summer's just about over. It doesn't really phase me like it did when I was actually in school, but now it just means that the days of Curley's Fries & Mack & Manco's Pizza are over until next year
. I do love the fall though - so it won't be too bad knowing that I can expect to soon see the beautiful scenery that fall brings! Didn't get out as much as I would have liked this summer - but I did lunch with my sister in the city a few times, which was really great! (as usual) Guess as the weather gets colder and the season changes, we'll just have to do our girls day out in Olde City, inside instead of outside on the sidewalk under the umbrella table at Pizzocato. Hope everyone had a great summer. I know the kids are always bummed when school's going back in, I know I always loathed that first day back. But even with summer gone - I'm looking forward to the rest of the year and all that it brings. Hopefully lots of good - and scarcely any bad.

God give me strength?

I don't know if the right phrase to use would be: need a "break from life" or if saying a "break from reality" would be more accurate.
Probably the latter.
Talk about things really getting complicated in a really short time!
I don't know what's going on anymore but it seems like life keeps throwing some serious curveballs (more like hardballs or screwballs) to various people in my life. Relationships are so hard to understand! And the people who are in them, are even harder to figure out. You can never tell just what a person is thinking or feeling inside -- as much as we all wish we had that power.
It's so hard to trust and let your guard down emotionally knowing that any given day, it could just "bitch slap" you in the face.
I just can't bear it when someone I love/care about is hurting. No matter what it stems from... heartache, physical pain,...etc. Life shouldn't have to be such a challenge sometimes. I know it's never going to be perfect but I wish for "damn near". I'll always be there for my loved ones in their time of need..when they're hurting, confused, unsure, ... but I don't always know what to say. And mostly I just want to be able to banish all the pain and hurt and uncertainty from their hearts and minds. Life is always going to be an uphill climb but it should seldom be an uphill "struggle'. Sometimes, trying to figure things out just makes it all worse. Some things are just not meant to be understood I guess. That sounds crazy but I find that sometimes things need to be let go rather than putting yourself through the endless hell of trying to grasp the meaning or the reasons. But I do agree that in certain cases, for certain issues, the answers need to be found and in most cases; understood. It's true that "life" in general will always present a challenge somewhere along the way and sometimes, always... but I guess all we can do is pray for the strength to get through those times, be there for the people that need us (even though they won't always reach out), and just know that there will be better days.

Hello Sunday.... :(

Well, Dad's company picnic was a nice turnout once again. Even though they changed some things up this year, it was still nice to be with family and just have a good time. My precious niece really wore herself out this year! Now that she's a little older than last time, she can do more things. And did she ever! The heat was grotesque but thanks to the pool(s) we were able to cool off at any given time. I finally witnessed that my niece is a little water rat. She doesn't like to leave the water once she's in. She ate extremely well too, which is always a plus.

Unfortunately, I didn't have any good batteries so I couldn't take pics like I wanted to! But my sister did, so I'll have to "steal" some of hers and post them when I get a chance.
Friday we did dinner for Mom's birthday and then Saturday was the picnic --- so here we are at Sunday already and I'm back work. So strange that my work week starts on Sunday but then again it ends on Thursday when most people still have one more dreaded day!

Dr's

So I went to the dr tonight for what was my follow up blood pressure check and to discuss my blood work results.. Turns out that my triglycerides are elevated, but not extremely, and my cholesterol is said to be beyond excellent. That was what really shocked me the most.. She said it was really good.. I thought for sure she would say that my cholesterol and sugars and triglycerides were sky high but I was pleased that it wasn't quite what I had expected.

So as far as the triglycerides; I have to lose weight. I am really overweight and I need to lose at least 30 lbs to be where I should be for my frame/age etc.. The doctor says that she wants to see me again in 3 months and that my goal is to lose minimum 5 lbs. I would hope I can lose more than that but she is asking for less. I have been exercising more and watching what I eat more often but to be honest; I have not put forth a really big effort, so I know that I need to do that now. The triglycerides are what factors in when it comes to heart disease etc...
I'm already out of breath when I'm climbing the stairs or even just moving a lot. I come in from my car and once I get up the flight of steps and into the house I am huffin' and puffin'.. so that alone is a sign that I'm way out of shape and that means that my heart works harder.
I'm thinking I'll probably go back to Weight Watchers - My Dr. even suggested that.. and I know that it really works! I did it a few months back and it was really great. I lost about 6 lbs in the first 2 weeks - most of which was water weight initially - but it was a start. I felt better and I was sure that I'd started to look better... So I'm going to incorporate WW into my lifestyle change and also get the exercise going more often. I have a gym membership that I don't even use! So wish me luck - Stay tuned for a follow up post!

What fun!

Tam and I did our Atlantic City trip --- for the 2nd time!

Was just as, if not more, fun than last time! I really hope we've started something here that we plan to make a tradition of sorts..lol

It's so nice to get away for a night of just sheer relaxing and enjoying ourselves. Last time we weren't really sure where to go or what to do .. but this time we ended up at The Continental, which is inside the Shops at Ceasar's mall. It was so nice there! We had some cocktails and some appetizers that were simply delectable! It was a really nice, low key place that you could really unwind at.
We ended up at Providence, in the Tropicana, where we also stayed, and that place was pretty awesome. I read recently that it's a real "hot spot" in A.C. ... and I can believe it.
They offer VIP rooms etc.. They have dancers positioned throughout the nightclub and the music is the best mix of hip hop and house etc... that just makes you forget how long you've been on the dancefloor! They tell us that it's theh kind of club where they can turn you away at the door if they don't "approve".. or something like that. There are two entranes to the place - One is VIP entrance. (Which we didn't go through, but maybe next time!)
You can't even see in the place - until you've actually entered. They have a couple dancers in the windows that are your only glimpse of the place.. I guess they're supposed to be what entices you to want to go there. I wanted to go there the minute I heard the music coming out of there! The mix of people was good - some seemed like regulars.
I won't disclose what we paid for drinks there or what the final tally was when all was said and done .. but it was PRICEY to say the least. My sister's motto of Carpe Diem gets taken to the extreme sometimes! lol More like carpe second job to afford our next outing!



So all in all, it was a nice time once again to get out with my sister and just have a fun girls' night out.. We always finalize it with breakfast the next morning, and then head home - back to reality.

Priorities - (or not)

I titled it "Priorities" but once again, that is my opinion. I'm so irritated right now and maybe I don't have any right to be, but things really get to the heart of me sometimes.
So, here's the deal: I'm walking in an event in September to raise money for Leukemia and Lymphoma - I put up a poster at work and sent email. The response I've received has been way less than desirable. While I've had a couple people in our corporate office ask to sponsor me; no one in my immediate office has asked me about it or said that they'd like to contribute. {I didn't directly ask people because it seems to put people on the spot.}
Then the other day, I see that another co-worker posted a (mind you, much smaller) poster on the same board announcing a raffle in which you can win either a brand new car or opt for the cash value instead. So now, everyone's running around getting their money together.
I know of, so far, at least 2 groups of 5 people who are each putting $20 towards the cost of the $100 ticket. This to me is just frustrating... that people are so hung up on something that will benefit them.

Cooling down

This may not be a long one - I just needed a cool down! I just got finished with the weights and the 20 min workout on the TV!! Whew - did that lady kick my butt! ha ha
It's awesome - I am so sweaty but I love it! Strange huh? It just means that it's working.
I'm going to start running this weekend or in the beginning of next week. I feel like a freakin fitness maniac now but it feels so good. Doesn't really make sense that I work out late at night when no one is downstairs b/c then I can't sleep. My body is like "Ok, you started it, now let's keep going!" I'm really energized right now and I feel like I could go to the park and run the track a couple times -- Honestly, I think I would if it weren't so hot out. It's almost midnight and the heat/humidity has not let up yet! It's incredible. Well, anyway - Off to my "ladies night out" tomorrow night with my sister - So if I have any juicy details, I'll blog it!

My Niece

Yes, I'm going to brag about my niece again. I will do that until she's in high school and then probably still after that...

She is just such a constant source of joy in my life. Even on my worst days; I come home to see her smiling face and suddenly I forget what brought me down in the first place.
Everyday is such a learning experience - she learns something new or says something new with every changing day. I will probably never know what it feels like to love a child through a mother's eyes, but it must feel much like loving her through an aunt's eyes. I often think about how innocent she is and how precious the time is that I get to spend with her, laughing, playing, acting goofy. I love it when she calls my name - when she comes home with Mommy and starts to look for me all over the house... (I'm usually hiding!) I feel so blessed to have this precious little person in my life. God truly sent a gift when He sent Maya Ashley to all of us.

I know you can't change a person - even if it's for the better. Not unless he/she wants to change. Sometimes a person thinks that he/she will be the one thing in life that makes that other person take a step back and day "this life is not working for me; I need to make a change". But I realized quickly that it's just not the case. You can't change someone unless they realize that the changes need to be made. At some point, we just pray to God that they see the reality of it.

So far ..so good

Boy, does it ever take alot of discipline to eat better! I did well today and yesterday.. I've stuck to just water for my beverages- although tonight at the mall, I opted for a diet soda. I didn't drink the whole thing though - just enough to wet my whistle. I hate diet soda anyway so trust me, if I have to cut out soda altogether, it's not a problem.

It's hard when people at work continue to bring in all the goodies and junk food when they know that you're dieting! But I guess that's when my long lost friend Will Power comes in!

I'm not saying it hasn't been tough because it has already, but I'm going to make it. I'm going to do this and drop the weight. I also remembered that Comcast on Demand has a nice plethora of Exercise programs! So tonight, I lifted some weights and then scrolled through the menu to find something that was geared towards "beginners" - and I did about 10 mins of it. I didn't want to over do it initially. Trainers always tell you to start out nice and easy so I'm going with that theory. I did sweat more than I probably have in a long, long time though! I walked at work today too - just until I broke a sweat. That, to me, means that I'm burning calories/fat - If I'm sweating.

It would be nice if overnight I could have a really fit body - but that won't happen.. I have to work at it.. REALLY HARD! But I'm prepared to do that.




Ask, and it shall be given you; seek; and you shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. [Matthew 7:7-8].

To share or not to share....that is the question

When I first started to use this, I was blogging for my own personal use. It began as a diary of sorts for me and has progressed into so much more.

I was thinking of sharing my blog with my friends and family... I realize how much I enjoy reading and following my friends' online blogs. It gives you a peek into each others' lives.
It's a channel for me to get ideas, and thoughts and other perspectives... It lets you into someone else's world for a change.

Who knows? Maybe even after viewing mine, someone will create their own blog and see just how great it is to have a place to go and store your thoughts, fears, dreams, memories....etc

Now if I could just figure out how to get the link to my blog! lol

Peace and Quiet ?

Figured I'd update the ol' blog today. Even though I'm at work; this is probably the one day out of the week when someone's not breathing down my neck... It's actually pretty peaceful. I get all my work finished with a couple hours to kill and then I just relax. Well, for the most part- because there's still phones to answer etc...

Just going to the grocery store after work today and hopefully finishing up the load of laundry that is growing in my bedroom!

I have to start on a diet this week and I really need to stick with it- No Excuses! I went to the doctor finally, because my blood pressure's been higher than normal for the past couple weeks.. and she said that first and foremost; we'll work on weightloss and healthier lifestyle changes.. So that means diet and exercise. I have to cut out all the junk that I put into my body and make better choices with meal planning. It's so easy to get caught up in the fast food circle when you don't prepare your lunches or dinners.. If I don't bring my lunch to work; I'm more apt to run to the Wendy's and grab a burger than I would be if I had a nice healthy lunch packed.

So, wish me luck~ I'll update how I'm doing as time goes.