Psalm 113

I've been on Blogger since 2005.  The day after Christmas, to be exact.   I must have been home from work since it was the holiday, and decided to start my blogging journey.   I went through my drafts tonight; all of the posts that I started & never finished.   I had one in there with the title of Psalm 113.    I was immediately clueless but knew it had to be of significance, so I opened it.    Damn!   I never wrote anything further than the title.   So, naturally I had to look it up.     Well, since I hadn't noted a verse, only a chapter, I scrolled through to see what I might have been trying to reference.

There were 9 verses:

1 Hallelujah!

Praise, you servants of the LORD,

praise the name of the LORD.^a

2     Blessed be the name of the LORD

both now and forever.

3      From the rising of the sun to its setting.

let the name of the LORD be praised.

4     High above all nations is the LORD;

above the heavens his glory.^c

5     Who is like the LORD our God,

enthroned on high,

6     looking down on heaven and earth?

7     He raises the needy from the dust,

lifts the poor from the ash heap,^e

8     Seats them with princes,

the princes of the people,

9     Gives the childless wife a home,

the joyful mother of children.

Ahhh, Verse 9; that was it.   I immediately realized I must have been starting to post an entry about THAT.    And I never went back since that initial draft.   Why?   I don't know; I guess it's the one thing I've always kept private, while I was sharing EVERYTHING else.  So, the long and short of it, is that I don't have children & it's not because I don't want children.   I adore kids & I always wanted kids.  If I thought I'd be good at anything in this life, it was being a mom.   I knew I'd have the instinct and the endless love in my heart for a child.   There was never a doubt in my mind.  Although, even growing up, I had a feeling that I might not have children.  Maybe I knew something.  I guess I shouldn't say NEVER; maybe it was more that I knew it wouldn't come easy.  And it surely hasn't.  

For the better part of 10 years, I have tried unsuccessfully to conceive.  Also, working against me is an early diagnosis of PCOS .........and the solution to that?  Taking the pill to regulate my, otherwise, erratic periods.   Crazy.   I used to get"it" for months at a time and then I wouldn't get it for months.  It was pure chaos.   I didn't know that not having a period could be detrimental to my health; what with the lining building up for months and putting me at risk for "bad" things.  

  So, after I was educated about it, I started taking the pill again, to regulate my cycles  But, yes, I found myself skipping doses to just "see" what would happen.  And a big fat NOTHING happened.   Even when I wasn't on birth control, it never happened.     

What they'd told me years ago, was that I don't ovulate, hence the reason I'd need some drugs to hopefully induce ovulation.  Interesting.
 When I went to my doctor a while back, she handed me the business card for one of the best fertility doctors in the area.  (so she said)... I kept the card for a short time and eventually tossed it.   I refused to have any medical intervention.  I decided that I'd rely on divine intervention.   Last year, when I went to her, she asked about it and I said I wasn't sure where I stood on it yet - She said she could start me on Metformin.. and see how it went from there.   I still have so many unanswered questions, like why or how that would work for me?   Considering I hadn't any problems in regards to insulin, glucose, or the like.    Then she said in  closing, that I should think about it and decide soon, because, based on my age, I may not have a choice soon.   Hmmmph!    Well, it didn't come out callously, she said it nicely... but it did sink in a little.    So, now, my life is rather crazy, what with Mom's health and just life in general; trying to get back on track, since the hubby's returning to work after a year lay off, umpteen applications & interviews.   Things have calmed a bit for us, in that way. And for that I am so grateful and humble to God - We knew that He had a plan all along & we're finally seeing it unravel.    Sometimes you just wait patiently, knowing that He is always at work.   I still am sticking to the plan that I will entrust this ever happening, to God.   And St. Gerard.   I truly believe that, if being a mother, is part of my plan, it will happen in due time.   God's time - not mine.
In the meantime, I get to be an aunt and focus on other things, like Mom and keeping my stress levels in check, which in turn can keep my health in check.    I dream of a little boy or girl, with my blue eyes or my husband's brown eyes... My nose, or his chin.  Curls or straight hair.  He has the curls, not me.  : )    I want someone calling me "mom" and clinging to me in a thunderstorm.  Turning his nose up at brussel sprouts & me LETTING him, because I hated them when I was little.  (Now I could eat them EVERY day.)   I don't dwell on it much, if ever, but of course, I find myself feeling a little discouraged now & again.    There were a couple of times I had some meltdowns but I always get through it & my husband has been my shield.   He always 'takes the bullet' for me when someone asks... He always has.    He knows what it means to me & he's never pressured me about it.  If he has a strong desire to be a dad, I surely don't know it.  I wish I knew.   But he's afraid to hurt me or make me feel inadequate. I know this & it's precious and so compassionate.   So, maybe one day there'll be a post all about "baby" - and if there's not, well that's ok too.   My life is so full in other ways.   I remember the day we got married, back in April of 2010, and we did a full Catholic mass, where we go to the alter of the Blessed Mother and pray together.  I remember kneeling & praying with all my heart, asking Mary to bestow children upon me, if it were HER Holy Will.   I really meant that.  I always remember to include that in my prayers.   I started a novena to St Gerard last week and then I got scared and thought "Oh my goodness, what if it works?"  - "Was I ready?"  -   Boy, am I a confusing gal or what?   

Summer is here!

So happy that summer is finally here.   Yes, I love it.   I don't fret about the heat too much; it's better than winter cold and that awful white stuff.    I'm excited about BBQs, flowers growing, home grown produce,  going to the shore, driving around with the top down....  the list goes on and on.
I always live for the Spring & Summer days.  

We haven't made any concrete plans for this summer yet, since hubby just got back to work, after a year long lay off.  **Can I get an AMEN?**    Thank you Lord.
 We'll probably get in a couple of trips to Smithville and Seaside Heights.   Jeff has never been to Seaside Heights.    When my sisters and I were kids, that's where we usually went with my parents.  We also went to Wildwood, but not as much, that I remember.   Either one is nice.    I just can't believe how things have changed since we were kids.  Especially the prices.    We used to be able to play the games on the boardwalk without flinching & now they're running from $2 and up. Per game?    Our parish carnival has much better deals!   No game, exceeds $1 and most are .25 to .50 cents.    I might just be way too cheap but I don't know how families can afford all the things we did when we were kids.   SO much has changed.. but I guess with the resort towns, they feel that their high prices are justified.   Whew.

So, that's my quick post, for now.  What are your summer plans this year?

a yummy recipe - marifredo?

I have several posts in mind, for the next few, but I'll start with something simple and yummy today!  
I printed out a recipe from Tasty Kitchen a while back and just happened to have all the ingredients on hand this week! 
So, I whipped it up for dinner and tweaked it a little, and I was pleasantly surprised at the result!   And to add to MY own delight, my husband had a second helping!  He really liked it.  Gotta mark that one down and make it again; it was such a hit.

Here's all you need:

Jar of marinara ( any one you like)
Jar of alfredo sauce
box of mini or regular penne
package of Perdue short cuts (chicken)

Mix the jar of alfredo in a small pot with 1/2 the jar of marinara.   (the recipe called for 1/2 of each)  but I shy away from too much red sauce, as my esophagus is not a big fan)

Heat the chicken in a pan with a little olive oil or cooking spray.

Toss the cooked pasta with the sauce in a large bowl and when serving individual plates, top with the chicken.
This dish was so delicious!!    Kind of reminded me of a light vodka sauce or a blush sauce.   Do try it!

** I added a photo of the recipe I found on Tasty Kitchen **  I didn't want to steal the photo - but I forgot to take one and recipes are just not as enticing without a photo.
I didn't add the peas or the pepper garnish(?)

I even made some home made garlic bread -  YUM!

Mom updates

Well, today is Mom's follow up appointment with her medical oncologist.   Just to recap: she goes to chemotherapy every week, but only the 3rd week, she actually meets with her medical oncologist.  Usually after she's had some labs done and/or a CT or PET scan.   This past Friday, she had her latest CT scan done; today will be the day that the results are discussed.   As of the last CT results, he implied that he may not continue treatment based on this last scan.   There hadn't been much change, if any, in the scans that she'd had previously.  So, I guess his thinking was to not put her through the grueling chemotherapy if he didn't feel that it had been successful, thus far.
  I know, since both tumors (breast & lung) were Stage IV, that we were up against a tough situation here, but I've been hopeful all along that we'd get some positive results out of the treatment.  Miracles HAVE happened and I have definitely prayed long and hard.
If you follow  Mom's Caring Bridge page    you'll see where I had a little rant last week, about the technician telling Mom she saw no changes etc.
Big NO NO on her part.  So, of course, Mom has been worried sick about this appointment today.
But we hope for the best - and see what Dr. Alex says.   Of the 2, the lung tumor is the one that's been the most difficult of the 2, to treat.   If surgery had been an option, things would've been way different, I'm sure.
But unfortunately, it was inoperable because it was invasive & had attached to vital structures in her chest.
I've read so much literature that I picked up here and there and sent away for some too, and I just feel that there are many more options out there if this chemotherapy hasn't worked.

I'll keep the Caring Bridge page updated  and will post tonight on here, as well. 
If Mom is still having her long session chemo today, then I'll have my lap top and will update sooner.

Saturday busyness!

Today was a day of busy!   Mom and I headed to the Cancer Survivor's Day over at the center where she gets her chemotherapy & where her oncologist also is.   It was a pretty nice event that they held.  Lots of fantastic items to win in the basket raffle, where the survivors paid ZERO for their 20 tickets!

There was a "red carpet" and several cardboard cut outs you could pose with.  Fun stuff!
We had a free lunch of pizza, beverages, fresh fruit, soft pretzels.....  Then there was a Baskin Robbins ice cream station!   Holy ice cream.     There were several flavors to choose from and then you were on your own, to top it how you pleased!  Never saw so many ice cream toppings.  I stuck with hot fudge, rainbow sprinkles (or jimmies, as we say in Jersey) ....and chocolate sprinkles.   Mom got brave with the whipped cream too and piled it on high.    So funny.

I think the rain literally held out just for this event because as soon as I started driving away, when it was all over with, the rain started coming down.     I took a couple of pictures with my phone, since my batteries died in my camera. Boo hoo.  : (

Then we went right from there, to my niece's dance recital.  It was so wonderful!  All of the dancers did so well & I was so proud of my niece for her performance; she is growing up so quickly.  She has decided to take the next year off for dance, because she wants to be on a sports travel team and it's a lot of commitment.   Good for her!    

We ended our day with dinner at a local seafood place we love - Where we always drive the other patrons crazy, by playing the juke box. 
I'm so ready for bed now.... what a day!

Tomorrow, we'll go to church and then we're planning on going to an Indian pow-wow.   Good times!
I'll have plenty of pictures of that, I hope!   They're very cool! My pop pop was of American Indian descent... so we were always partaking in things like this.   I know it sounds kind of hokey but we enjoy it.

Mom did have her CT scan on Friday & we'll see what Dr. Alex says next week... 
Going to be an anxious week.

lazy days of ... Spring?

Ever have one of those days, where you have a gazillion things you SHOULD be doing but haven't gotten to ONE of them yet?   That's me, today.   I had to finish the dishes, get 2 loads of laundry folded and put away, hang some clothes in the closet, that are sitting on my dresser...   
I even almost talked myself into going to the mall tonight & decided not to.   I had no motivation. 
Plus, if you add Lifetime into the mix, you know you'll never get off your butt then.
These movies pull me in, each and every time.   

I have a busy weekend coming up - And lots of pictures to post afterwards.
Saturday I have the Cancer Survivors event for my mom. Should be fun!  They'll have a red carpet, and a faux "paparazzi", and lots of raffles and prizes for the survivors.   Hope the weather is nice, I plan to get plenty of pictures and really want Mom to have a good time.  Then we have my niece's recital right afterwards.    Sunday we're supposed to go to a pow-wow with my dad.   We used to go all the time; they're actually very cool.   I forget which tribe my pop-pop was from, but he had it in his bloodline somewhere.  Lots of fun & interesting stuff.   Looking forward to a fun, eventful weekend ahead, and it's only Tuesday!  

Friday is Mom's CT scan, so PRAY, PRAY, PRAY for really good results when she sees the oncologist again.    We need some shrinkage folks.   If you're reading this and can do so, please say a quick prayer for her.   Thank you..

Reading

I am definitely a book worm.   I read more than most people I know.   I usually have a book at work, and a couple at home.   All going at the same time, yes.   Nope, I  hardly ever mix up the stories and characters.  It might take me a few seconds to remember which is which, but not for long.   I think I'd like to join a book club; that could be totally up my alley!

Some of my favorite authors are:  Jodi Picoult, Alice Sebold, Nora Roberts, Emily Giffin, Nicholas Sparks ...  
I can read almost anything and I like non-fiction too.   One of the best non-fiction books I've read is The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls.    What a wonderful read that was.  You should pick it up if you need a summer reading book.
 I read 3 of Alice Sebold's books (actually I think she only has 3 so far) - The Lovely Bones (which we saw later made into a movie) and The Almost Moon (which I could not put down)  and  her book, Lucky, which was non-fiction and a true story of her real-life rape and the aftermath.  
There aren't many Jodi Picoult books I haven't read -- I want to get them all read.. That's my goal.  And Nicholas Sparks?  Oh boy.. Almost read all of those too. 
I would take reading over watching TV any given day.   I enjoy it and it relaxes me.   Right up there with writing. 
  Here is what I'm actually reading right now:

Impossible:   Danielle Steel
Amazing Grace: Danielle Steel
Facets:  Barbara Delinsky
(and if you want, you can count my book To know, Love and Serve God by Father Oscar Lukefahr)  -- that's more of an assignment I gave myself.  There is a quiz at the end of each chapter.    I really enjoy it.
Have you any great recommendations for reading?   Any authors that I have to check out?

Angels on Earth

I may not be bad at writing, (damn, I just tooted my horn)  -- Sorry...   BUT I am not always that great with figuring out a title for my post.    But, today when  I was trying to figure out what to name this one, the above was the only thing that came to mind.

I have no other way to really explain how I felt about today's events.

I only started my current job a year and a 3 months ago.   It was by far the best decision I ever made for my life in the way of careers.
I will go far in this company - and I know in my heart of hearts that it was supposed to come about, for so many reasons.   There are so many perks but my favorite is probably the company itself, (as in management) and the co-workers I have.  They're all so wonderful - In every sense of the word.   I never saw people come together, like I have at this place.   When I've done my collections for the poor, whether it was for church, through my sister's job or through my own endeavors, everyone was a part of it. When we threw the fundraiser for my brother's cancer benefit??  Wow..
 It was amazing and heartwarming.  And so hard to find.  They never cease to amaze me, and not even today, even though I was floored.

When Mom was diagnosed and began treatment,  I still had some time off at work.  I hadn't used it all, but I started using it immediately, in January.   Between radiation, doctor appointments,lots of tests, her hospital stay & ultimately chemotherapy, I was prepared for it to be long road but also knew that I'd run out of time at some point. I still needed to be involved with Mom's care and I wasn't sure how I'd manage it.   So, this past Monday, I finally worked up the courage to approach my boss about it.  (also the VP of our division).    I explained my situation (as far as being out of time) - he is aware of the rest.    And I asked if I could continue to take some time off as needed... I offered to work remotely on the days I;'d be out or come in 2 hours early every day for the following week. (after I'd been off) -- - He said that working remotely wasn't an option as our system wasn't set up for such.   It's  too complex to explain but it made sense.   He said he wouldn't have a problem with me coming in early on some days but not to worry about coming in 2 hours early... I guess he thought that was a bit much.  So I was ok with that too.   When I left his office, i felt such relief... I was so happy that I could still "make it work"..   Thank God for such an understanding boss - I mean, really.   He didn't have to work with me on that but he did and I was so grateful.  Naturally, i wouldn't share with the rest of the office; no one really had to know. It wasn't their business to know and I didn't want to ruffle any feathers.    I felt that rules had been bent for me and I didn't want to seem as if I were bragging. 
I surely wasn't.

I only decided to tell one gal who is not in our immediate office area..   She is such a sweetheart & I wasn't worried about her telling others about my arrangement.  She works a lot with the guys in the field, so she is in work early!  Like 5 am early...  When I come in early, I have to use the entrance closest to her office, as the main employee entrance is locked until a little before 8.    I wanted her to know that I;d be coming in and I also kind of wanted her to be my check in, so that I have someone who can say that "yes, I was there early, as I agreed to be".   

Today, I was called to my boss's office -- he called my desk phone and asked me to come in.  When I got to his door, it was shut.  So, I opened it and there stood Marie.   A little flush in the face and wet eyes.    So I walked in and sat down.   My boss proceeded to tell me that Marie had offered to give me some of her vacation time to use, since I was out of time and so that I wouldn't have to make it up, if I did need to be out. I thought I could keep  together but  just couldn't!   I totally broke down - Apparently, she had done the same right before I got there.   It was the most generous thing I'd ever known a co-worker to do.   I was truly moved by her kindness and such a gesture of compassion.    I felt bad for my boss; he didn't have any tissues ( which he noted he should look into) and he said he didn't do well with crying.   I thought he was getting choked up by the looks of hs face.   I usually don't cry n front of anyone and yet, this just really warranted it.  I couldn't hold it back no matter what.    It was hard enough to speak through my sobbing but I didn't know what to say besides "Thank you" -- she cried with me and reached out to grab my hand..   I feel like I am so indebted to her and I know I need to do something nice for her to thank her - I know she didn't do it for recognition, but I am so compelled to do something for her selfless act.   My boss continued to say that I couldn't decline Marie's offer as it wasn't negotiable.  : )   She said she has several days left and really wants me to have some of them.

 I told her yesterday, that she was an angel in disguise, because she always knows when I need some uplifting and she always leaves me an article from the Delco Times, n my desk, from the writer of the Religion Column.   I don't know how, but she always happens to do it when I need it most.   Now I know that she is truly an angel on earth....   I think all of us should do such selfless things for others, be as charitable as she was to me, and just make a difference in some one's life...   Every time I thought about this today, I cried.    Tears of gratitude.   I couldn't even tell my husband without losing it again. So hard to tell a story while sobbing....

blog changes

** Just  a quick note **

Since I've been posting more regularly, I decided to go in and change some things today....   It's new and improved!
Well, maybe not all that, but I made some changes..

If you notice on the right, there is now the option to follow me by email - If you enter your email address, it will automatically send you alerts when I update!  Neato.

Then you can also, search my blog, by using the new SEARCH field, also on the right.  (I like that feature for others' blogs, for when I can't remember where I saw something or read about something) -- Most folks have the search option and it really helps when you're trying to find "that one post"....

You can also contact me!   - See the contact boxes

And, for my own sanity, I also now have all my 'labels' on the right side of my page.   Thank goodness I finally figured out how to do that one! 

So, that's the big unveiling - Hey! I didn't say it was that big of a deal... But change is good.

Good reads

You know how it is - You look something up on the internet and all of a sudden, you've got a plethora of websites and blogs and articles that resulted in your "keyword" search.   It can be a bad thing, if you're googling some crazy symptoms you're having. All of a sudden, you've self diagnosed with a hundred different conditions/diseases.  BUT, it's not always a bad thing; sometimes you find gems!

When Mom was first diagnosed with breast cancer, I was right on the computer, looking for information, naturally.  Regarding her particular diagnosis, type of breast cancer, treatments, all that jazz....

One of the best discoveries I made in my relentless searching, was this site....http://www.butdoctorihatepink.com/    - Fantastic reading, I tell ya!   The author's name is Ann Siberman.   She is witty, charming, brutally honest, candid, humorous, BRAVE... my list could go on and on.    Ann journals about her battle with Stage IV, metastatic breast cancer and she does it with such pizazz.   If I can say that.  She's so cute, I love her style and her attitude about life and cancer -   I read her bucket list and learned some interesting info from that as well, that has changed my views on a thing or two.  Hmmph!

I wish my mom had a computer so that she could keep up with Ann's journey as well.   I think she could learn a thing or two from her; I sure feel like I have.    

So, if you get a chance, check it out -  You won't be disappointed, I promise. 


 

Torn

I'm having a thought storm today & I don't know where to start.   I go back and forth between wanting to post how I'm feeling about Mom's 'situation' and not wanting to overload my blog with the details, the ways I'm feeling, etc.   It's not because I don't want to share, but more because there is so much to say and I'm afraid once I get started, it might come off as excessive to my readers. 

I don't want to express certain things on Mom's CaringBridge page because I really feel that it is strictly a place for updates on Mom's treatment/health and more positive and encouraging words. Of course, not every journal entry on Mom's CaringBridge page will be positive.
   I didn't create it so that I could use it for my personal struggle with Mom having cancer.     But, ever since I moved into Blog Land, I have read more blogs than I can count & have felt a part of so many turning points in their lives.  Most were great, celebrating milestones & births, new jobs, new homes, adoptions!   - and some were not so good times.  
Loss of children, deaths of loved ones, divorces, - Basically, everything that we go through in life.    We can't omit those sad parts of our lives and often times we write about it to help us overcome the sadness & to reach out to those who we know may have experienced those same things.    I know I write.

So, if you'll bare with me, I'll still post about fun, happy things and share all the "good stuff" with you - But I may, at times, let it all out.     So, thanks in advance, and don't ever hold back from offering me some insight.   I will never reject it.   This is what life's all about.  

Thanks for being a part of my "life"  - Buckle up!

 

Sunday rain

I really think it's going to rain ALL day, but I'm going to be as productive as I can. I have laundry already folded and ready to go in drawers, the house is straightened up pretty well, and I'm waiting for my sister to get me so we can go for lunch.


We're trying out Red Robin for the first time. I'm kind of psyched about the bottomless fries; is that bad?
Even though it's dreary out, I'm sure we'll have a good lunch, chatting and catching up. I think she's going to drag me to some shopping as well. Help me! Nah, shouldn't be that bad - although I am the kind of person that has to shop alone.

I have so much more to catch you up on, but will have to get my thoughts together. Boy, do I have a lot!

Mother's Day was a great day - We took mom to Historic Smithville
The weather was SOOOO perfect! We shopped, had lunch, shopped more, rode the train & the carousel. Took pictures and bought lots of goodies. Yahoo to finding fresh Irish potatoes in May! Love them.... (cinnamon, sugar, coconut..) Oh dear.

I think Mom enjoyed herself - it was nice to have a day of no worrying, no Cancer talk and no dwelling.
Even though, she did bring it up when we were alone - and I did pretty well dodging the discussion. I asked her to just allow herself ONE day of not worrying and just enjoying life and just BEING. I know it's hard but it's important to allow yourself that break.

Strength & Courage

I always have such good intentions to update my blog with a new post. Trust me, there is ALWAYS something swirling around in this mind. Life is rarely uneventful and I always have something to share, even if it's just tidbits of the day at work or something funny that I can't resist sharing. But mostly, I've wanted to share how I've been feeling about mom's trek with this "whole cancer thing". And I want to share how she's been feeling about it.
It all has just been such a whirlwind from the day of diagnosis (both of them and the news of the metastasis), that I haven't found the time to get all my thoughts together. I have a care page that I created, for friends and some family, to keep up on the progress of Mom's care/chemotherapy, but I really don't post about "feelings" on there, where it comes to me. I feel that is a separate thing all it's own and not the place for me to talk about fear, anxiety, etc. But my next post on here will probably be lengthy, but not boring. It will be sad, and some parts will be jaw dropping... but please don't let that scare you away. Please check back... (maybe even tonight)

Easter '13

I've always loved the Easter holiday & I don't know what was different about it. It wasn't until I got older that I realized it wasn't all about candy and a big bunny with giant ears. It was about Jesus and a sacrifice He made for all of us and our sins and then it became about the resurrection. Those are some thought provoking events that I appreciate way more now, as an adult. I'm so overjoyed at the fact that my niece, who is also my Goddaughter, is finding such interest in her CCD class. She comes home and tells us things that they learned and she is so intrigued by it all. She told my mom yesterday "Before they hung Jesus on the cross, his friends weren't very nice to him - they said they weren't his friends and didn't protect him". How precious that she is understanding these things. I can only hope that her Faith journey doesn't end any time soon - like mine did, early on.


So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them. "Greetings," he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me." Matthew 28:1-10


Easter also brings to mind, old memories of when my sisters and I were kids - Every year, we took a trip to Atlantic City with my parents, walked the boardwalk, took in all that was to enjoy and had early dinner at a restaurant called Pickles. We loved it. It was such great memories - Every year, frilly dresses and cute bonnets. Until 1989, when my mom had my brother, it was all girls. The 3 of us.. dressed to the nines every Easter. Then when my little brother cale along, he was in the little suits and vests. So sweet. I've posted a few pics for you to see.
You don't appreciate these memories until years later when they're just that.

Easter this year was great... we took mom to the in-laws with us for dinner and we had a nice time.
She even debuted her new wig... You can hardly tell it's not her real hair; it's that great.

Mom

I've been wanting to and promising to post the scoop on my mom, but things have been so hectic, between work, home and all that goes along with Mom's treatment, etc. I should start getting up in the middle of the night when things are calm and quiet; I could blog really well then. I created and am keeping up with a CaringBridge page that is chronicling Mom's journey with Cancer. I guess you could tell from the previous posts that it that awful C word that has now entered our lives a 2nd time. First, my brother was diagnosed last July and now Mom is fighting 2 cancers. Both are primaries, and one with metastasis to her hip/femur. I've included the link to the page here, so you can catch up on things.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/bridgetcoyle

( I can't get live links to work in Blogger for some reason; you'll have to copy & paste)


There are several journal updates thus far, so click on the link just under the entry you see on READ JOURNAL HISTORY right after you read the latest one.
( I just ask, that if you know me outside of Blogger, and are friends with me on Facebook, that you not comment on this publicly to me) - I only ask because Mom is dealing with this privately, (to the extent that she can) :) and I haven't shared with everyone. I have family members on Facebook who are not aware of the situation, per Mom's request as well. I know it might seem a little odd, but I guess we all deal with it the way we see fit.

and that's who I am...

(if you're singing that song by Jessica Andrews now, we have good taste in music!)

I want to blog today and I have much to say but I figured I'd start with something fun. A bloggy friend of mine did a post a while back, introducing herself. I thought it was a clever and fun way to get to know someone! It was even donned with pictures! (which made it even more fun) - So I decided that I would do the same thing. Many of us read each others' blogs but don't know much else, and without getting too crazy and giving out too much information, we can still let each other in our lives a little more and see just who we are following. - On a coincidental note, I was at Shoprite today and saw someone from my list of blogs that I read. Well, it wasn't the author, but it was her husband and her precious boy who she blogs often about - It was so cute to actually see this little guy..

So, here we go - This is ME and the tidbits of my life.


Me and Mom - before the Johnny Maestro concert that I took her to - it was a SURPRISE. So cool..


Me and my sister; my best friend ever. Everyone says we look alike - I don't see it. HHAH!


Just for fun - A picture of my young self - many years ago as an innocent little girl. LOL


Me and Hubby - of course. On our weddin' day


Our furry kid - Miley

So, as for pics, I guess that about covers it. There are a million and one more that I could post but we'll see where I can fit those in future posts. More about me:

* I have no children. :( Not because I don't want them. I always wanted to be a mom. (future post)
* I went to school to have a position in the medical field but jobs/pay rate were scarce and I didn't find one.
* I landed a GREAT job with a mechanical construction firm in Philly and I love it.
* I always said I'd never work in Philly.
* My husband and I have been together about 12 years now. Married for 3 (in April)
* Our anniversary is April 10th and my birthday is April 19th. I tried to make it easy on him for remembering.
* The above theory has not panned out successfully - YET.
* We bought our house in August '09. Only months b4 getting married. Planning a wedding and buying a house? Stress!
* He proposed on Friday the 13th in 2009. It was totally unexpected after all that time.
* Hubby is 8 years older than me but we are an awesome match.
* He is a welder. He loves his field of work.
* I go to church every Sunday and read lots of books on religion.
* I am usually reading more than one book at a time - One at work, one at home. Sometimes 2 at home.
* As you can see from above, I am not much of a TV nut.
* I have 2 sisters and a brother. Older sister, younger sister, younger brother. I am the middle child. Or one of.
* I don't like the feel of newspaper on my hand so I no longer read them - only online.
* I don't like uneven numbers.
* Or wet dog nose on my arms. Anywhere else is ok. I'm a strange one!
* My favorite dinner is chicken parmigiana
* My favorite restaurant is Olive Garden
* I can't list a favorite singer because it's hard to narrow down.
* I love to sing - I once sang the national anthem at our high school football game.
* I have tiny hands - My husband loves that I didn't need a big ring! HAHA
* The one thing I hate about my body is my weight. Bleh. I need to lose 40 lbs.
* I am currently drinking Magner's Pear Cider out a zebra wine glass.
-- and that concludes our session of getting to know you --

I know I could think of a hundred other things, but that should keep you busy.

Believing; a book review

Each year, I make a small list of books I would like to read. I usually find the titles on the NY Times best seller list but not all the time. This particular book, I've had written down for a little over a year, and I finally went to the library and borrowed it.
Boy, am I glad that I did. What a truly beautiful testimony of God and Heaven's existence. If you needed some affirmation in your life, I sincerely hope you'll pick this up and give it a read. Amazing, true story of a 4 year old who nearly died and recants his experience with Jesus and his visit to Heaven, much to his parents' surprise and utter shock.
I actually shared some of the more confounding parts of this book with my husband, as I read through them. He was very intrigued and at the end of it, I really discussed the book and how I felt about it. All through my tears! I don't know why I cried but I had such a sense of belief and a feeling of encouragement. I really need this, right now, in my life. I was so struck with the testimony of this little boy's journey to Heaven and back. I feel such a peace within, today. Definitely check it out, if you're looking for a new book to read or just need a little uplifting.

what's your sacrifice?

I know that Lent doesn't apply to all my blog friends but if you're a practicing Catholic, you've probably contemplated what you're "giving up" for 40 days. Or maybe you're still not sure! I asked my sister yesterday, what she was giving up for Lent and she said "NOTHING"... I gasped out loud and said "You're not willing to sacrifice anything? After what Jesus gave up for you??" - She chuckled and responded "No, I'm sorry, Sister Dawn". I have many things that I should learn to live without, even if just for 40 days. Last year, a friend of mine gave up Facebook for Lent. I could do that. Or could I? I chose to give up soda this time around. It doesn't seem like much but it is for me. - and hey, maybe I'll lose a few pounds! I could've given up foul language but not sure I could've done that either.. My life is pretty stressful right now. I know that is a lame excuse, but anyhoo --- We'll see how I fare with this for the next 40 days. It really shouldn't be so hard to sacrifice things that we think we can't live without - for only 40 days! Think about what Jesus gave up for us!

updates on Mom

It will be a fairly long post, but I want to share with you, what has been going on since the beginning. It sucks. That pretty much sums it up - but we're going to deal with it the best we can. I promise to post at length when I get a few minutes of down time. Between work, home and hospital runs every day, it's hard to find those few minutes.

Reflections

I have a feeling I used that post title once before, but that's ok, it was probably so long ago, that you forgot, right? Sure.

I just wanted to share a little story that was a recent event.

I was reading a book the other night, (pictured in this post) ... and in one of the chapters, it mentioned 'atheists'. The first line of the chapter read "No one talks more about God than Atheists". I thought that was funny, and yet, probably such an accurate statement. In reading on, the author told of former atheists who have since found God and even went on to write books based on their change of heart and/or experiences that encouraged that change. I'm very interested in reading some of those books. Especially that of Dr. Diane Komp, a pediatric oncologist, whose book is called "Images of Grace". She had a change of heart, after hearing stories from her young patients who'd claimed to have met God or had some experience with Him. I was so moved by this one chapter in the book I was reading, I took lots of notes and am already browsing my library's catalog to get my hands on those books. I took the next few lines from a blogger who'd outlined some or Dr. Komp's book: In the early years of her practice, Dr. Diane Komp reported to the bedside of dying children out of duty. But one day the scene that followed changed her life. Just before seven-year-old Anna died, she mustered the strength to sit up in bed and cry: “The angels–they’re so beautiful! Mommy, can you see them? Do you hear their singing? I’ve never heard such beautiful singing!” Then she lay back on her pillow and died, reports Komp in her book Images of Grace (Zondervan)

I think, often times, no matter how devout we think/claim we are, we still have moments of doubt or need further validation. I know I do. And it's not because I question if God exists, I just have moments where I have a hunger to know more and have more validity. That's why I've been reading this book "To know, To Love and to Serve God"... and I'm also completing the study pages with it. I always want to know more.

Now, here's the even better part. The day after I read that chapter in the book and was so intrigued.... I received a phone call at work from a good friend of mine. She wanted to share with me, a story from her bible study, which also was the night I was reading my book. She said there were 2 guest speakers at bible study, who were sharing with the group, their experiences with God 'speaking' to them or guiding them. She said that some of the stories were so amazing they'd make your hair stand on end. She shared with me, a story that really stuck with her, and sure enough, I had goosebumps!

I think what really moved me about this whole incident, was that I had been reading about it the night before and was so pulled in, and then the very next day, she's on the phone telling me this! Is that awesome or what? I really can't wait to read on.

Brother updates

Starting his new year off great! My brother's follow up with the oncologist was 2 weeks ago and I'm so happy to report that he got the all clear to return to work and his chest xray was great. He does need a CT scan, that he should've had already, but when he goes back in April for his 6 month follow up, he'll have that report for the doctor. I know everything will be fine.. I'm an optimist and God is good. Thank goodness that things went the way they did. I try not to think about the alternative & what if my brother had never gone to the doctor and ignored the lump that he'd found. Scary. But, it didn't go that way, thank God. Here's to good health!

Waiting = Torture (pretty much always)

I can't think of anything in life that involves waiting, that is actually ever a fun thing. It's pure torture, it seems. Last Friday, I took my mom for a double biopsy (both breasts).. and we are now waiting for the results of those specimens. She had a diagnostic mammogram & ultrasound the day after Christmas, because she'd had a breast lump for couple of years (insert gasps here!) and her GP wanted her to get it checked out. He was very concerned about it and (according to my sister), was almost convinced that it was cancer. She had a lesion that was worrisome to her doctor. In fact, he wanted it checked out THAT DAY at the hospital, but my mom is very stubborn. So, the day she'd had the diagnostic mammo, the doctor at the imaging center decided she should have a biopsy on the lump and also on the other breast because he'd seen some calcifications on that one as well. So, now we wait for the report. We can only hope that it's something entirely different...and not the worst scenario. If you're reading this and can offer a prayer, I'd be very grateful. A prayer for good news & of course, for courage if it's not. Each time I've prayed at night about this, I've said to God "If it's your will". Each time, my mom sends me a text or calls, I shudder. I'm almost afraid to answer - But I remain optimistic as always.

Christmas Memories

Of course, it was the same as always. All that cramming, last minute shopping, money spent, food cooked, rooms decorated and it's all over in one day. Well, not the reason for the season, obviously. But the Christmas gathering, at least. It is definitely my favorite thing about Christmas. Or one of them. I really love the idea that we celebrate Jesus in such volumes and that even those people who don't go all year, will show up at mass.

Although, this year, I was not appreciating it so much, because we were forced to stand the entire MASS. It was standing room only.

I guess it wasn't so bad because we were doing it for none other than God - but it stil was hell to stand for an hour in heels.

My other favorite about Christmas and it is more valuable than any one material gift: having all my family in one room. I love to celebrate with them even if it's only one day a year. Life being ever busy and the fact that we're somewhat dysfunctional keeps everyone from getting together more often. But this year, Christmas was full of laughs and good times. Memories are made and stored in my heart forever. There are some things that could've been better about it, like the fact that my sister and niece were missing from our little get together. : (

One day, I hope things are different but I fear that it may be too late by the time everyone gets their acts together. I continue to pray for peace in my family and lots of forgiveness.. Hope you had a wonderful Christmas!

great balls of ........ Testicular cancer

Yes, I know; my choice of attention grabbing title is a bit un-lady like? Well, it was the first quirky thought that came to mind and so I went with it. I know, I already touched on it in a previous post but I wanted to mention it in its own post. When my brother was diagnosed with testicular cancer back in July, I knew nothing about it. I can honestly tell you that, if I were a guy and felt a lump in my 'area', I would have immediately thought it was a hernia. After all, that seems to be what we always knew of those sorts of things. Men/boys often times had hernias there. Hence, the reason they do sports physicals etc.. and they examine men/boys for it. Well, after I found out that my 22 year old brother was now afflicted with it, I did what everyone else does - that they shouldn't. I started surfing the internet for any information I could find. What were the statistics? What were the fertility stats? What if it has spread? Was it aggressive? Man, oh man, were there a lot of stories. Blogs, articles, stories of survivors. I even came upon one blog on a young man, who had felt the lump but had brushed it off. Only to finally address it, once it had already spread far beyond what would have maybe saved his life. SO sad.
I can only hope that young men or men of ANY age, will not let these things slide. Ever.
My brother had his lump for a little over 2 weeks (although if you ask him to be honest, he'll tell you it was longer). Even the doctor knew that it had some good time to grow to the size it was. My brother had been going to the gym and probably thought he pulled something. Just like I figured he had. I dread to think that he could've let it go even longer and it wouldn't have been as good an outcome as it was. It was caught early, and though there had been some vascular invasion, it wasn't all out alarming. The vascular invasion is what really gave the doctors the knowledge to suggest that they start chemotherapy treatments. Vascular invasion means that the cancer is entering the veinous system and therefore is apt to enter the heart, where it will then be pumped out into the rest of the body and surrounding organs. Kind of weird - The heart almost serves as this huge pumping station. I hadn't thought of it like that.
It's the same with anything. Don't let suspicious things/lumps go unseen by a doctor. You know your body better than ANY one.
You know when changes have come about and when something doesn't seem right.
I'm so glad that my brother got that nudge from his guardian angel and called my sister, albeit nonchalantly, to say "hey, I have this lump...."
I will never forget that text I got from my sister telling me it was cancer.
It was a moment forever etched in my mind but thank God for early detection and that he hadn't let it go. SO many people do that and I can't say that I might'nt if it were me. We always fear the worst; I know. Know your body and always get things checked. Better safe than sorry.
What I would also like to note is that boys who are born with an undescended testicle, if left untreated, they are at a higher risk for developing testicular cancer.
My brother was, in fact, born with an undescended testicle. Ladies, if you have a boy, who also has this, stay connected with your pediatrician and ask them what you can do about it.
*** I posted this because I wanted to offer some encouraging words, support, and hope that maybe it will aid someone in getting the courage to go get that "lump" checked out. *** In the event that someone has been or is afraid of being diagnosed, I hope to help them in their journey with it. If you jump on the computer today to search for some answers, or information, you may just land on my blog. Not that it's very informative, as in a doctor's perspective, but we've been there***

Reflections of 2012

Thinking a lot today about the new year being almost upon us and how 2012 has been so crazy. It's been a year that tested EVERY thing. My marriage, my friendships, my patience, my Faith, family ties... and somehow I'm ok. There are still many things that are left unresolved and worries that are still at the top of my list, but I have found strength in so much of the trials. Certain events, whether positive or negative, have a way of molding us, don't they?

** Started this on my brother's birthday ** 11/30

I often wondered if, by some chance, my brother broke a mirror when he was born. Maybe the doctor who delivered him, placed him down on one of those tiny mirrors on the table and SPLAT, he cracked it. Bad luck right away. Or maybe he, at a young age, walked under the ladder at the playground. That's also a superstition right? Whatever the rhyme or reason, the kid has had quite an eventful life thus far. All 23 years. I can remember when he was a baby, he swallowed a penny. That warranted a frantic mom rushing him to the hospital, only to be told what every other mom has been told in this situation. "It'll come out - you just have to keep an eye out for it". What? And so the next few weeks were met with my mom sifting through baby poop! The penny did turn up. Now I should wonder if maybe he swallowed it on tails, because that seems to be where it all started. After that, it was chaos.

One year, when he was around 4 or so, we were standing in a Burger King, on the Atlantic City boardwalk, waiting for my parents to meet us after the casino. I was holding my brother's hand and there he went! Smack down on the wet floor, right on his cute little face. Nose bleed central - Too much blood for such a tiny nose. So, an ambulance is called & off to AC Medical Center, we went. This Easter trip ended with a cauterization for his little button nose.

When he was about 6, he went fishing with my dad to a local spot in town and it was there that he was attacked by bees! Holy hell. Yes - a lot of them. Off to the hospital, where he was filled with lots of Benadryl or maybe epinephrin. I can't imagine what that felt like for a little boy, but I cried when I saw him in the hospital bed. Never liked him being in pain. What a crazy thing to happen.

He got a little bit of a break for a while, with the exception of some bumps and bruises through the next few years or so.

Then in 2004, when he was 14, I got the call I almost always knew was coming. My brother was hit by a car and was enroute to the hospital. I was never so scared in my life! I was driving to the ER from work and I said more Hail Marys that day, than I can count, I was praying for him to be ok. When I got there, my family was all standing in a room off the Trauma ER and when they wheeled my brother by us for emergency surgery, unconscious and restrained with head gear etc, I thought my whole life had just flashed past me. I truly believed I would never fully recover if we lost him. It was a hellish next few weeks and month. He was in pediatric ICU for almost 2 weeks, some of which he was in a medically induced coma. Then he was in a regular step down room where he was finally coherent and starting to come around. I was so afraid of brain damage. I guess if we could have him back at all, we'd take him however we could. But he was ok mentally. He even teased my mom at one point and asked "Who are you?". I thought my mom would pass out right then and there. So many times during this initial stay, that I thought we'd lose him but I was strong. I broke down twice in that time and I lost a few pounds from not eating. I hated it that things were constantly coming up. Fevers, infection,etc. I was not going to accept the possibility of losing my 14 year old brother.. not then and not any time soon after. He went from the hospital to a pediatric rehab facility where I absolutely HATED leaving him each day. It wasn't as hard when he was at the hospital and unaware of us coming and going. It was heart breaking when he was awake and alert and we left him at night. If I could've stayed with him, I gladly woudl have. In time we brought him home, with a new set of wheels (4 to be exact) a walker, and a big rod in his leg. It was the external kind so it was cool to him. And he even insisted on keeping it uncovered when we went to Chuck E Cheese for a birthday party. I told him it'd probably scare the poor kids but he didn't care. So, we went in there, sans a blanket to cover it, and yes, the kids were curious. That was a really rough time for him - and this was probably when I realized how strong a person he was going to be. I couldn't have known......

Keeping up with tradition and needing to add more to his list of unfortunate events, he, during this past summer, decided to go hiking with his girlfriend. He ended up with a tick on his back, of course, and pulled it off. Never to be seen again. Then a week or so later, he ended up in the ER, because he went to an urgent care center after a big red rash developed. Doctor confirmed it was Lyme's Disease, gave him a 3 week antibiotic regimen and went on his way.

And..... just because he likes to be the center of attention and keep us all on our toes --- (heehee) In July, right before the 4th, my brother decided to give my nurse sister a call about a lump he'd had in one of his testicles. I guess he was a little concerned about it and realized he should get it checked. I talked to him on the phone the day before his appt and asked about it. I knew he'd been working out at the gym so I was convinced it was a hernia. I knew it was very likely and very possible... I never thought OTHERWISE. Why would I? Well, the next day, my sister took him to the hospital and they ran some tests. I kept in touch with my sister and brother via text while they were there. I drove home from work, figuring that they'd be home soon. My sister seemed to be very concerned as time went on, and finally texted me "please come". Again, I was just oblivious and figured she wanted company or wanted to go home to my niece. So, I texted her again and said "What are they saying?"... she texted me one word back "cancer". I immediately started crying and hyperventilating all at the same time - that'd never happened to me before. I felt like I left my body for a minute. I can't really even explain it. So, without hesitation, my husband and I drove up to the hospital. My brother had called me prior to our leaving, and it was so hard for me to remain collected - He said "So, did Tammy tell you?"... in a voice that echoed no worry whatsoever. When we arrived at the hospital, my brother was sitting up in a bed in the ER pediatric ward and he seemed as if he was fine. No worry- some jokes here and there. I was panic stricken - but would never show it. I'm the one who jokes and remains calm so not to shake everyone else up. It was confirmed that he had testicular cancer and would have the teste and tumor removed on July 5th. - Everything went well, the tumor was removed and he had one of the best post-op recoveries I'd ever seen. He was awake and alert and ready to go home. The nurse even said he was very unique in that he came right out of his anastesia like he'd taken a cat nap. He followed up with the surgeon a few days later and then it was decided that he would have chemotherapy since he'd had what they called vascular invasion. The cancer hadn't spread to other parts of his body, luckily, but there was a little bit of concern with it and the oncologist said that without chemo, there was a better chance of it coming back. So my brother went ahead with the chemotherapy and he was a real champ through it all. Never really complaining and taking it with a grain of salt. As far as I know. : ) He's all clear for now and goes back to the oncologist in January, when he'll tell him if he's really all clear and ready to return to work. Thank God that my brother is young and active and has a strong body as well as a strong mind. I think it helped to get him through the torture of chemotherapy. Fingers crossed and plenty of prayers that January brings about great news and the consent to return to work. I know he must be bored out of his mind.

So how 'bout that? Has this kid been through some stuff or what?? He should write a book. Someone had joked and said he has 9 lives like a cat. Funny to think about but I really just have to be so THANKFUL. Nothing is ever a guarantee in this life and we were so blessed so many times that my brother came up a victor.

Life happens...

ever so quickly. There's no pause button, to allow us to savor certain moments. There's no fast forward button to get past the pain and hurt of things or to advance to the good things that are waiting for us. There's no rewind button to take us back to a point in time that we wish to do something over, or differently. It just happens - and we deal with it as it does. The old saying was that there were no do overs in life. I believe that to a degree. I also believe in some instances, we do get those chances to take a different path. It doesn't always happen, but how great are those times that we can. Life, this year, so far has been anything BUT uneventful. Where do I even start? In the beginning of the year, my husband almost lost his father. It was a simple, outpatient procedure that millions of people have done every day and yet there was a "glitch" with his. Or a mistake? Who really knows. In any case, he spent several weeks in the hospital and at times we were almost readying for his passing. Of course, when these things happen, you want to be optimistic and hope for the best, but you also reach a point where you say, "Ok, we can't live in denial, we need to start accepting it". But, lo and behold, through the bond of family and the prayers of many, AND the Lord above, he came home to us. A little rusty at first but things are back to normal, for the most part. : ) SO thankful that God didn't decide He needed him more than WE do. ........ To be continued.....

Fancy Catch Up

What a slacker, indeed! I haven't updated my blog since April? Seriously, Dawn. That is way unacceptable. It's not due to a lack of content that I have been missing in action, but rather all the events that have been keeping me busy. I can't even update in one blog post. I know you'd be fast asleep by the time you finished reading and your hand would surely fall asleep from all the endless scrolling down. I will just say that I'm back and I promise to keep an updated blog from now on. It's not only good to share with the rest of the world what's happening in my life, but it's also an outlet for me. Not that it'll restore my sanity at all, but it sure helps.

April showers....

Hoping they bring May flowers! I've got to get to the store this weekend and get the mulch. It was just on sale at Home Depot or Lowe's for $1.74 per bag and I passed it up. Darn! Now it's 4 for $10, which still isn't so bad but I'd sure have liked to get it at the latter price. All of our flowers in the back garden are coming up beautifully including the rose bush. That's probably my favorite of all. The front garden looks great too but it needs mulch badly. We're also working on painting the exterior of the house. Our front of the house is brick but the sides and back of it are white siding and it's really gotten shabby. We've only been here a couple of years, well, almost 3 years now and it's needed a paint job ever since we moved in. Just a touch up, I guess. There's a lot of spots that have faded or have taken on a lovely shade of light green in spots, from the trees and pollen. I have lots of plans for the house now that the weather's getting warmer. I really need to get one full day of cleaning in. Spring cleaning! I guess that's why they call it that. I need to open the windows, turn up the stereo and get down to cleaning, scrubbing, and de-cluttering! Even just looking around the room right now, I see a dozen things that I can toss in the garbage. Things I haven't used or looked at in the past year or two. I just have a problem getting rid of stuff. Trust me, I'm not a hoarder. I could surely have a yard sale with all of the stuff I have here but the last one was a complete flop. I think I made about $5 all day. What a wasted Saturday that was. In other news, I just turned 36 yesterday. Whoa! Almost to the 40 year mark. Let's not rush it though. I also started a new job in early February and I love it. It's a great place to work, with great co-workers. Even management is pretty awesome. Sometimes I think it's too good to be true but I guess not. It seems everyone likes it there. I guess this is where I'll be retiring from. I was so glad to get out of my last job. Too many things were going on, what with pay cuts, etc.. changing my hours. This new job I happened to hear about from a friend and of course I was a little nervous at first to take the chance but then I said what the heck and I just went for it. The interview went so well.. I was interviewed by the VP and then the President also came in, because the VP wanted me to meet him as well. And they were both so down to earth and didn't make me feel uncomfortable at all. I was so at ease. I had to wait a couple of weeks to hear back, because there were others who were being interviewed and when I got the offer letter in my email I was so excited! It was more money, better hours, no more Sundays, .... a closer commute each day. I was thrilled. It's only been a couple of months so far so I haven't hit my 90 days, but hopefully I pass my probationary period and they keep me! : )

Hi there

Haven't been blogging since September? Cheese and rice. I can't believe I've been out of the loop that long, but I have been keeping up with my blog READING. Everyone else is doing a great job keeping up with their posts, unlike me. I wish I could say I've been extremely busy but I can't really account for anything crazy. I've been working and we've been doing things around the house. We're almost finished the basement, which is now a family room. We've got the bar all finished, bought a new TV, took the recliner down there and now are contemplating carpeting it. We really need a sofa or a futon down there so hopefully we come across something that someone's getting rid of. Our next door neighbor is moving in with her long time companion and just put her house up for sale. I wonder if it'd be too bold if I asked her to let us know if she wants to get rid of any furniture. I can't imagine that she wants to take her sofa, chairs et.. since she's moving to a furnished home. Guess it couldn't hurt to ask. But I won't.
In other news, Christmas came and went quickly. It was a great holiday season, we spent it with family and friends and I'm so grateful for all of that time together. I don't care about gifts or material things; my number one GIFT was all of the family getting together and making new memories. Both sets of parents haven't been in the best of health lately so it was a true blessing that we were afforded another year with everyone. I have some other things I want to "talk" about but I shall wait until I feel comfortable doing so. Never know who's "watching".. and I don't want to set off any alarms.

So much

* I turned on Eat, Pray, Love so that I could watch a movie since my shows aren't on tonight. Maybe it's in observance of 9/11? Whatever the case, it's very hard to blog and watch TV. I can't focus on the TV whilst I'm unloading all the thoughts in this head of mine. So much has happened and I've done so much since I last blogged. Nothing major so don't get crazy excited; I'm so not that interesting.

Somethings I've done recently:

Started couponing like crazy. In fact, I'm highly obsessed, I think. I sit down each weekend with the circulars and my coupons and clip like it's my job! It's so awesome though. I went to CVS last week & spent $6 and change on a handful of stuff that originally rung up at $13 and change. What a bargain! Also, if you don't know, you can scan your CVS card each week for a free item. Usually I get pantyliners or something silly but this Sunday, I got a box of Nabisco Crackerfuls! That was a nice treat. I haven't tried them but hey, I will now. So today, I "bought" a Febreze Set n Refresh air freshener and a bottle of Dawn dish soap with the Olay moisturizer in it, throw in my FREE crackers and with my soap coupon and Febreze coupon, my total came to $2.79 ~ I was so pleased. My husband laughs at me but he just doesn't get it like we women do. ; )

I read the Jaycee Dugard book in about 2 days. I expected it to be very good and it was. I found myself crying at some parts and at the end, I had a good bawl. What a life that poor girl/woman endured. I only pray that she has gained strength from it and the rest of her life will be all she has ever wanted. If you haven't read it and plan to, definitely grab it. I checked it out of my local library.. in fact I was on a waiting list for it. It was one of those books that you "can't put down". While I was at the library, I also bought a book for a quarter off one of their MANY shelves. Which book? Pride & Prejudice. Yes! I have never read it and I really want to. I'll start it in a day or two - I have 2 books already going so it's hard to keep up with the stories.

We recently found out from our corporate office that our company - EVERY EMPLOYEE - is receiving a wage decrease. Wage decrease sounds less painful than PAY CUT. A ten percent pay cut - OUCH! So I've been dealing with that a little and wondering how much it will affect my finances. I'm losing about $3,000 per year I think. I know I can really tighten up and hope that things work out that way. I'm already pretty frugal but I'm pretty sure there is always room for improvement. It was a blow to everyone; no one knew it was coming. They're also talking about some structural changes that will be implemented by the end of the month. That's scary because I assume that means that people will have to be let go. Very sad but if the revenue is not there, what can they do? I'm trying to stay positive and trust that God has a plan. He always does.

I had a yard sale yesterday and made ZILCH - Ok I'm lying.. I made just under $10 and my mother in law made over a hundred. Boo! I was happy for her ~ She had a lot of nice things and I know she's glad that she doesn't have to lug it all back in the house now. Whatever was left went to Good Will.

I did my annual summer stunt and cut my hair off. Well I went to have it cut; I went really short and then regretted it. It grows back so I don't fret about it much. I just couldn't stand the hair on my neck in the hot weather and it sticking to me and then I got sick of pony tails! I got into the mood that I was too old for pony tails anymore. Are we ever? Silly theory, I know.

My niece/god daughter started kindergarten last week and that was a great day. A little emotional naturally but I didn't cry! She loves school and was so afraid that we'd missed the bus. When my sister said she'd drive her to school, my niece was beside herself. She loves taking the school bus. I never rode the school bus. We lived across the street from our elementary school, so we never needed to be bussed. She was thrilled with kindergarten and is elated that they have gym class!

I went and saw the movie, The Help. Oh my goodness was it ever a great movie!?
I wanted to read the book first but ended up at the theatre before the libary for once.. It was fantastic and it made me cry SEVERAL times and I recommend it to anyone. It better get some awards because it totally deserves them. I should see some best actress/best supporting actress/best picture etc..

We had our last BBQ of the summer on Labor Day weekend and even though it was last minute, it turned out wonderfully! We didn't invite everyone we knew but had our parents over and my sister/niece... It was small but we all had a great time, talking, eating and sitting by the fire later on.


I bought a starter cross stitch kit and I just can not get the hang of it. So I opted to try my hand at latch hook. I haven't done one in MANY MANY years but I got the hang of it again and I'm really moving along with it! It keeps my occupied sometimes and is a great stress reliever. I remember years ago I did a latch hook that was a bubble gum machine. Loved it. Now I'm going to scour the internet to find a picture of it. There has to be one.

I know I'm forgetting a ton of things but I will just come back and add it/them.
I believe it just started thundering so I better get to shuttin' all the windows!
It was so nice to have the house open today and the breeze coming through.

Friday = Love

Even though my weekend usually starts on Thursdays, it actually started on Wednesday this week. I decided to take a vacation day, totally spontaneous, and spend the day with my sister and niece. Our power went out in the early morning Wednesday so I ended up having to sit home and wait for the power company to come and restore it. When they got here, they concluded that the transformer was hit by lightning, so they temporarily were running our power off of another one and then 2 other guys came to replace the bad one. It was a while before all was well. I couldn't leave the house so my sister brought over some yummy lunch and once the power was back on, around 1 o'clock, we went bowling. My niece loves bowling! It's so cute to watch her - and she has her own bowling bag & ball that I picked up at a yard sale. It was perfect for her - a cute Tweety Bird bag with a 6 lb ball. She really likes it. One day I'll get her her very own but for now this one works. My sister and I didn't bowl; we'd rather watch and cheer her on. Now that school's getting ready to go back in, I'll have to arrange a sleepover with my niece for our last hoorah of the summer. I used to dread the back to school days. I always knew when Labor Day started to creep up, that we were getting close to having to go back. Summer was always too short, even when I was a young child. Nothing has changed; the summer flew by again this year. I wish I could say there was a time when I looked forward to going back to school but I honestly can't. Now, when I went to college, I loved it. Totally different world. I always looked forward to that. I was up early again today, got out to pay on our furniture bill, went to the library to borrow a book (the 17 Day Diet)... we'll see how that goes, and I even made it to the store to get laundry detergent, did one load of laundry and cleaned and dusted the house. Pretty productive day! Since yesterday was almost a bust.. but turned out great.

Summer's been busy

When was the last time I blogged? A month ago? How boring am I? I love checking in on what everyone's been up to and I get bummed out when someone hasn't updated in a while, so I don't know why I've been away for so long. Life's been busy with work and enjoying the summer, I guess. Although I haven't been to the beach/boardwalk, or really anywhere else yet & it's almost August! We had our annual 4th of July BBQ and that was a blast - I love entertaining and hosting parties.

Let's see.... Oh and I did get a new car, so that was fun. : ) I really needed a new vehicle because mine was not the safest, best running one around. I was going to need tires and struts and my seat belt was broken.. by the time I forked over all the money for the repairs, it just made more sense to get a new car. Luckily, somehow, my payments only went up about $20.. definitely not something I expected.

I can't believe it's almost August already. The summers sure do fly by, don't they?
We're definitely planning to get down to the shore one of these weekends and now that I have a reliable car, we're even more anxious to go. My husband has a Titan, and that guzzles a lot of gas, so we don't take that on long hauls if we can help it. Now I have the gas friendly, family car. I love it.

I'm still trying to figure out why I've been up since 6 a.m. on my day off - especially since I don't really sleep at night - I never get a full night's sleep and yet this morning I was up at 6 and never went back to sleep. That only means that I'l be ready for bed around 10 tonight.

My mom and I went to bingo last night - We've been trying to go every other week. It can get kind of boring after a while but she really enjoys it, so I don't mind.
We have a lot of laughs, so that makes it worth it,

Have lots I want to blog about but I'll do it later so I'm not doubling up on posts.

Summer time is here!

Holy hot! Has it been a scorcher here, lately. BUT, I would take the heat over that awful "white stuff" any day. I don't like winter at all, so I'm not complaining about the heat; trust me. We've stayed busy doing our summer projects around the house, readying our yard for the 4th of July and such. Last year, we had a pretty big BBQ and invited way too many people. It was a lot of work and a lot of money, so we opted to just invite family this year. Of course, my husband MAY have invited 2 friends and their families as well. Does that not put us right back at square one? : ) It's ok though. At least this year, I took off on that Sunday before the actual holiday. Last year, I worked that day AND came home to cook all the food on the grill. Most of our guests were here already.. so it made for a pretty stressful day for me and I hardly got to socialize with anyone. How bad is that for a hostess? At least, with already having off from work, I will have the whole day to do things and get ready. I love entertaining but I try to do it as stress free as possible.. and I know that's not always possible. My husband's been working really hard taking care of our yard and all of the outside projects, at the same that he's been going to his parents' new home and doing projects there. Today he's working on their kitchen floor. They're pulling up the 3 sub floors along with the putrid tile and then they will tile it with the vinyl tiles like we did to our bathroom. When they moved in, the kitchen floor was quite an eye sore but I know it'll look great when it's all finished. It's so nice to see a finished project when you've started on one, it's just the watching and waiting and hard work until you get to actually see it and appreciate it.

I've been having a real problem with patience lately - which is pretty unusual for me. I think it's just because I don't speak my mind and it's coming to a head. I realize at times, we need to just bite our tongues and let it go but in the cases that I've been getting stepped on, I definitely should have been speaking up. Like today, when I went to the deli to get some cold cuts and not ONE but TWO people totally cut in front of me in line. The woman behind the counter asked who was next and this man said he was - knowing damn right well, that he wasn't... He and this other woman walked in about 5 mins after I did. I only know that because when the front door opened, I looked down the aisle and saw them coming in. I thought for sure, that she was definitely not going to cut seeing that he already did and lo and behold, when the woman asked again who was next, the ignorant lady stepped right up and started rattling off her order. Seriously???!!! I'm more pissed at myself that I didn't say - AFTER the first ignoramous - "Excuse me - I'm definitely next. I was here before you came in". But no, I get all pissed off, let my nerves get all twisted and just stand there giving dirty looks. Then I go outside and someone, who obviously didn't want to have to park in the parking lot, decided to park so close that they boxed me in, clearly not having enough room to park, because their tail end of their big ass Cadillac was hanging half out on to the main road. Well, I couldn't even maneuver my car out of the spot, but I did my best and ooops! I bumped his front bumper. As soon as my car bounced off of it, I was stammered, "Shit!" but I checked it out and there was no damage, so I drove off, continuing my rant about stupid, IGNORANT people. Really - I would never be so rude to anyone. Boy, did my poor husband get an earful when he called a few minutes after my experience! But now I'm cooled down, and waiting for my sister to get her so we can take a trip to Babies R Us. Can't wait to see my niece! I miss her and haven't seen her in a couple of months - Niece #2 that is. Niece #1 was here last night and we had a sleep over, watched Twilight- Eclipse, made some artsy stuff with the painting "game" she brought over, went to a carnival (that was insanely over priced - $5 and $10 for the games).. It was a great night though. I love having her here - she's so good and when she gets up in the morning, she makes her bed! What a hoot. I never made my bed at 5 years old. Heck, my mom will tell you I never made my bed at 15. haha Really.

I got some grocery shopping done and rented The Dilemma for tonight - Hopefully it's funny. Kevin James is always a laugh so I have high expectations. We'll see.
Hope you're all staying cool and enjoying the summer so far. Don't forget your sunscreen! I just stocked up. Walgreens had a buy one -get one sale and I had a coupon too, so I got two big sized bottles of for $9. Awesome.

Wednesday Things..

He sins who despises the hungry; but happy is he who is kind to the poor.

Ironically, I read that proverb tonight. I say ironically because tonight I was driving home from work and there was a young man standing at the traffic light holding a sign that read: Traveling, broke & hungry. Anything helps. God Bless.

Of course, there were a dozen cars who stopped at the light, had a quick glance and kept on their ways. Finally, one car, just as the light was turning, held out some money and handed it to him. It looked like a couple of 20's but could've been more. The thing that really sucks is that we don't know if this guy is truly down on his luck and/or homeless. I've seen him there before.. in fact this was the 2nd day that I did see him there. I mentioned to my husband on Saturday, that the young guy was clean shaven and didn't appear to be homeless. But how do we know? We can't just assume that he's a fraud and refuse to help him, can we? I'd rather give him the money in good faith, only to find out he was a fraud, than to not help him at all and find out he really is in need. I didn't give him any money but if I'd had the cash on me, I would've. I have done it before.. and never thought about it twice. Tonight reminded me of another bible passage that I love. In fact, it was the one I chose as part of one of the readings in our wedding ceremony.

Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. I'm always ready to help those in need and have done so, several times in the past. It may not always be a situation where the people truly are in need, but it's not for me to decide. They, if they are fooling others, will have to live with that. When I was collecting donations and distributing food baskets a few years ago to needy families, I can honestly tell you that, at least 3/4 of the recipients, were NOT in need. I was really disappointed and felt cheated by these people.. but again, they'll live with that, not me. I did my best to help them out and that's all I can do. I hope that some of you would do the same thing to help someone less fortunate, some day.