Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Lessons in Marriage

Hard to believe that I'm almost married for a whole year already! Not really until April but I've been thinking alot about it lately. Unfortunately, the reason I've been contemplating so much is because I have a few friends whose marriages are in discord right now. These are people who've been together for years and all of a sudden, something has changed and they're finding themselves on the verge of divorce. It scares the heck out of me that it could happen to me one day. I find myself going through crazy spurts of analyzing things in my own relationship. I've also realized that I haven't really been the best wife I could be, thus far. Sure, I'm "new at this" but I've been able to use some of the insight I've gained and 'change' some things about myself and my role as a wife. Part of my 'adjustment' was the big step I took this past weekend. I saw a little ditty on the news a couple weeks ago about Financial Infidelity and Jeff jokingly said that I was guilty of it. In reality, he was right though. We've been together for almost 10 years but only married just about 1 year and I've always kept my financial standings etc.. to myself. I've never really opened it up to him and it wasn't because I was hiding anything bad, but I just felt like it was MY personal information and not really something I wanted to share. One day, he expressed his feelings about it and said that he felt I 'hide' my finances from him. Like, what I owe in bills and how much I have in the bank. Honestly? He's right. I did do that and I realized that we're married now and we need to share these things with each other. Now, keep in mind that the "things" I've hidden from him are just my credit cards, and my student loan stuff... I told him a while back how much my salary is at work & even that was a big step for me. So I was at work last Sunday and was thinking about it LONG and HARD and I realized that I do in fact want to share these things with him. So I typed it all up on a sheet of paper and gave it to him when I came home. I can honestly say that I think it really turned our relationship in a good direction - he seemed so pleased that I was finally opening up to him about my financial health. I know it might seem silly but it meant a lot to him and I feel so much better about it now. I showed him that I have 3 credit cards, (which I don't use - I used them to biuld my credit)... and I gave him the total owed.. then I told him how much my student loan is for and I also made sure I told him that I'm behind on it because I am past due about $500 which I know is a big deal because they sent me a letter saying they can garnish your wages, take your tax refund etc.. So I called right away and arranged to make a payment very soon! As in this week. So yes, this was all a BIG step for me in the right direction and I feel so much better about it now. He wants me to think about a joint bank account eventually and I said that I'd consider it but first I want to get my student loan situated so they don't try to get me through my bank account. That would really suck and I'd feel really bad. I know I have married "blogger" friends.. (Amy, I almost called you one day for some wisdom) -- So, married friends, please let me know how you "make it all work".. because I'm quite clueless and a little nervous. I have so many questions.. Like how do I buy him a gift and not feel like I'm using HIS money, or how do I take money for shopping or something and not feel awkward? I feel like I'm losing some of my independence on one hand and on the other I feel like I'm supposed to be doing this. It was a hard pill for me to swallow when we went and filed our taxes JOINTLY..It wasn't the sharing part it was just the idea that it's JUST ME anymore. but, again, I realize that I'm not a single woman anymore.. I'm in a marriage, a union.. we're in this TOGETHER. See? I'm starting to catch on! ; )

1 comment:

  1. It's awesome that you were able to open up to him about things! I'm sure it's hard to let go of certain things now that you're married but I truly believe that in doing this you're bettering your marriage. When Dan and I got married we got a joint bank account. We didn't really think twice about it. We actually lived off of his salary and put my salary in an ING savings account. Of course if you have debt you want to take care of that first. Financial freedom is so important in a marriage. I know that most of the arguments that Dan and I have are because of money (trying to figure out bills and stuff like that). Since I'm not working it has been more difficult but God has always provided for us. I tell Dan everything that I but not because I have to but because when we married two became one. We're open and honest and when it's time to buy presents we're reasonable with what we buy. I have never felt like it's "his money" "my money" at all. It just seemed natural to have a joint account. Not sure if this helps at all=)


Hi, thanks for YOUR thoughts on MY thoughts! Happy reading!