Thursday, April 02, 2015

...and that's who I am.....

I've seen so many pregnancy announcements in the past few days, and it makes me feel so many different emotions.   When I think of where I would be right now, in my pregnancy, I feel a little twinge in my heart.  I would have been 5 months already and due in August.  Shoot, I would've been more than half way through.   Sporting a nice big belly and maxi dresses ALL summer long.
 I don't want to feel anything but HAPPY for anyone who is pregnant.    I guess it's just normal to feel this way.  

This morning, I was reading a new blog post about a mom-to-be, and I remembered when I first found out.   I was, first and foremost, shocked and EXCITED.   After I came back down, from Cloud 9, I started to consider who I'd tell and who I wouldn't, until later on.   I actually told my mother in law, that there was a part of me, that was apprehensive to tell friends who I knew were unable to have children.   I was that person, for over 10 years; more so, all my adult life.   So I deserved that joy I was feeling, as did my husband.  But I couldn't help but feel for those around me who it wasn't an option for.    Those same women who were in my same shoes, all those years.    I thought about them, before I thought about me.   It actually made me a little nervous to announce it to those particular friends.   I had to remind myself that this was my miracle and I shouldn't feel bad in sharing the news.
I think it's just a common thread that we women share, with infertility struggles.   You're eager to shout out the great news, but you're equally as apprehensive.

It's a wonderful, joyous occasion .... Pregnancy.    I don't begrudge anyone that opportunity.  (except maybe those heathens who abuse children, hurt them, etc).    I love reading about pregnancy journeys and then seeing babies growing up!    I do!   I just have moments where I quietly mumble "bummer, that could have been me".    But I know that my time is coming.

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Hi, thanks for YOUR thoughts on MY thoughts! Happy reading!