I've seen so many pregnancy announcements in the past few days, and it makes me feel so many different emotions. When I think of where I would be right now, in my pregnancy, I feel a little twinge in my heart. I would have been 5 months already and due in August. Shoot, I would've been more than half way through. Sporting a nice big belly and maxi dresses ALL summer long.
I don't want to feel anything but HAPPY for anyone who is pregnant. I guess it's just normal to feel this way.
This morning, I was reading a new blog post about a mom-to-be, and I remembered when I first found out. I was, first and foremost, shocked and EXCITED. After I came back down, from Cloud 9, I started to consider who I'd tell and who I wouldn't, until later on. I actually told my mother in law, that there was a part of me, that was apprehensive to tell friends who I knew were unable to have children. I was that person, for over 10 years; more so, all my adult life. So I deserved that joy I was feeling, as did my husband. But I couldn't help but feel for those around me who it wasn't an option for. Those same women who were in my same shoes, all those years. I thought about them, before I thought about me. It actually made me a little nervous to announce it to those particular friends. I had to remind myself that this was my miracle and I shouldn't feel bad in sharing the news.
I think it's just a common thread that we women share, with infertility struggles. You're eager to shout out the great news, but you're equally as apprehensive.
It's a wonderful, joyous occasion .... Pregnancy. I don't begrudge anyone that opportunity. (except maybe those heathens who abuse children, hurt them, etc). I love reading about pregnancy journeys and then seeing babies growing up! I do! I just have moments where I quietly mumble "bummer, that could have been me". But I know that my time is coming.