Sunday, September 10, 2006

Test & Worrying

In the weeks leading up to Sept 8th (the date of my endo biopsy) -- I had convinced myself that we were not looking for signs of cancer. More or less; we were looking for signs of my lining "working" the way it's supposed to and all that good stuff...
Well now I've done some research on the internet and I can't shake the feeling that I could have cancer. I have such butterflies in my stomach and I can't think straight here at work. I have some of the symptoms too...which just scares me more. I was content that my pap smears were normal in the past only to find out later that Uterine Cancer has only a 40% chance of detection in a regular pap test. Wonderful! I wa s ok in the last few weeks; with thinking positive etc...but now it's just eating me alive. Dr told me to make an appt for 2 weeks from the 8th and then I come in and discuss what she found etc....
So there is another scenario- If I do hear from her before my appt I will be nervous and if I don't hear from her- I will be nervous..Because then I'll feel like she is waiting to see me in person to tell me the bad news. Oh man, this is crazy now that I have to wait to hear...and I'm so nervous in the meantime....Nervous is an understatement--- I am just plain petrified! If all comes out normal then I am definitely going out and celebrating with a glass of wine or two! Ugh! I'm actually getting a headache now- I guess it's what your nerves can do to you...huh?
I need to say a couple prayers that everything turns out fine... And if it does- I vow to myself that I am going to take better care of myself. I am going to keep up with the gym and follow a better diet (healthier eating habits)....

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Hi, thanks for YOUR thoughts on MY thoughts! Happy reading!