Morbid or weird thoughts, anyone?

My husband and I have some pretty good conversations.  We can talk about almost anything.  I say almost anything, because he does cringe at certain subjects like female reproductive issues and anything that accompanies it.     But when it comes to the good stuff, the real deep stuff, we can really talk at length.
The other night we were discussing his very good friend who eulogized his mother at her funeral last Saturday.   Jeff was expressing how sad it was, seeing his friend break down a few times during his heartfelt tribute to his Mom.
 I didn't read my Mom's eulogy but I wrote it.   I was sure I couldn't do it.   I regret that I didn't even try.  Damn it.   Sorry Mom.     Jeff agreed that he is confident that he won't be able to do that for either of his parents.   In hindsight, I don't know why people hesitate.   I mean, it's a funeral, don't people expect you to be a blubbering mess, full of emotion that you just can't hide?    Surely, it's a right of passage for the grieving.

In having this talk, I told Jeff that I want to pen my own eulogy.  Complete silence in the car, but knowing me like he does, he knew there was a story coming.

I know that my mom felt much the same way as I do in thinking this way.   I want to know what my friends and family think of me while I'm still alive.  If you appreciate me or want to tell me how I changed your life, how I made you smile, then tell me while I'm here.    The thing about funerals and eulogies is that someone or someone(s) get up and tell a short story about who you were and what you brought to people's lives.  How they loved you and your funny quirks, how you were the life of a party, or the quiet guy.   I want to pen my eulogy and tell all my friends and family just how important and instrumental they were to ME, in MY life.  We should always let people know how important they are to us and how much we appreciate them in our lives.  But we don't.
I can't say that I do it as much as I could.

  My mom always said she didn't want anyone attending her funeral, who didn't come see her when she was living.   Makes sense.  I think I can say, with utmost confidence, who will attend my services... so I'm going to be sure to write everyone, I can think of,  in my farewell speech. 
I'm sure everyone in attendance will think "Well, this is new".... But as it goes on, there will be laughter, crying, reflecting.... All good things.   Unless you pissed me off in some way, I might have to put that in there and make you look like a fool.   HA!   Just kidding...

I know it's an odd subject that I chose to write about but I wanted to finally get it out on my blog - Sorry if I weirded anybody out.   Maybe you're thinking about it now too!