Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Influenster








I finally qualified for, and received, a Vox Box from Influenster!   This site has got me wrapped around it's little finger.   Ladies, I'm telling you, it's one of those websites you need to bookmark.    You'll keep going back.  If you haven't checked it out yet, you must.    I received a box full of great products - and now I get to review them for all of you!    What an amazing opportunity.

This is the shot of my Rose Vox Box from Influenster - and all of the products are complimentary from each brand's manufacturer.    There's not a thing in this box that I'm not anxious to try out...  I will review in a few days.. but for now, get on over to Influenster and check out the amazing things that are happening.  
If you love reviewing products, trying new ones, and sharing your opinion, it's calling your name!




****    I received these products complimentary from Influenster for testing purposes.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

I'm walkin', yes indeed!

No big surprise that I'm participating in the Making Strides for Breast Cancer walk this coming Sunday.
I've participated in things like this before but never actually made it to the walk - I usually just raise funds and then turn them in - My last job didn't give me a lot of flexibility with weekends.
I'm kind of excited, anxious and NERVOUS.    I have no doubt that it'll be an emotional day.
Eek...  As if I need another one of those.   : )
Anyhoo, I've included the link to my personal page in case anyone would like to donate to the cause.   The proceeds go to The American Cancer Society.    Even $5 is enough - If everyone donated $1 to $5, it would still make a difference.   In November, I'm hosting a fundraiser at a comedy club for lung cancer and I'm equally excited about that!   It could be a great turnout!

Please check out my link below and consider making a donation, in any amount.   I'd be so grateful.
Feel free to share the link - You never know who would see it and make a donation.

My Strides page

If you are or know someone who has been affected by breast cancer, please share your story.


Friday, October 18, 2013

Fun happenings

I know the thought of it makes some people cringe - those 2 words - SOCIAL MEDIA.    But I'm tellin' ya, I have been having a lot of fun with it lately!       

It probably all started when there was a giveaway on a blog that I read, and the winner received a Sugar Wish.   I was so excited - and my mom was too!  She called over one of the chemo nurses that day and told her too.  How cute.       I was so thrilled that I won something!  It was awesome.
So then it started - I've been entering for everything and anything.

A couple of weeks ago, I was on Twitter and Lance Snacks was tweeting abotu their Snack Patrol coming to various states in our area - They asked who wanted them to visit and since they said they'd be in Philly, I took a chance and tweeted them to come visit ME, and I said we were right behind the PHL airport.   Well, whaddya know!?   They tweeted me back, got some info from me and showed up that Friday!   I was so excited.    They came right to the front door of the office, I had to get pictures taken, sign a release form, and make a few second video wishing Lance Snacks a happy 100th anniversary!   I looked like crap that day because I forgot they were coming, but I posted a picture anyway .. it's so funny.     They gave me 2 boxes of crackers, a water bottle and sunglasses..It was awesome.       I sent the pictures to my husband at work and he was tickled!  He never knows what I'm going to get myself into next.

BUT..... I did it again.    

Have you heard of House Party?   It's one of the coolest sites out there right now.     If you like to entertain like I do, you have to check it out.     There are all kinds of categories to choose from:  home goods, small appliances, food, children's interests/games, health & beauty.   I mean, there has to be at least ONE party you'd be interested in hosting.    And get this:  if you do get picked to host, you get a box full of goodies!   
I recently was picked to host  Hasbro Party More!   I can't wait.   I'm getting 4 Hasbro games to host with and a bunch of other goodies: 


  • 1 DRAW SOMETHING PARTY EDITION game
  • 1 FUNNY OR DIE game
  • 1 TABOO game
  • 1 CATCH PHRASE game
  • 2 Party More with Hasbro Gaming winner crowns
  • 10 Coupons for $4 off Hasbro games
  • 1 Pack of Party More with Hasbro Gaming cups
  • 12 Simply CHEETOS® White Cheddar Puffed Corn snack bags
  • 15 Coupons for $1 Off Simply CHEETOS® White Cheddar Puffed Corn
I can't wait to upload pictures and video during and after the party - House Party encourages a lot of involvement before, during and after the party.    I even uploaded a video as part of my submission when I applied to host this one.   It was corny but hey, they want you to show your enthusiasm so I did!   Good stuff!      I guess the concept of House Party is marketing - They can really get products out there and get feedback on them.   What better way do it than with people like us, who are just having fun with friends.    If you get a chance, check out the site and see if there are any parties coming up that you would host.  If you have kids, there are plenty of parties going on or coming up -  Right now, the Lego Duplo party is open, as is the Ninja (blender?) and Soda Stream.    One thing to note:  If you get picked to host, you only have about 30 minutes to invite people.  I was a maniac, trying to import my Yahoo contacts in that time and send the invites.    I just happened to see the post on Facebook that host selection was underway.   So, that also, is a good thing to note:  stay connected.   To email, Facebook  Twitter... whatever outlet you can, for the updates.    I'll post pictures and maybe video when all is said and done.   I'm really looking forward to this fun event with friends.  

Thursday, October 10, 2013

3 months

I promised, early on, that I wouldn't be one of those people.   The ones who give shout outs on Facebook, "talking" to deceased loved ones, who've been gone for decades.  Marking EVERY single anniversary of their death with a post and a lengthy write up about how much they're missed.  
But, I felt compelled to write a post today,  after realizing that today marks 3 months that we lost Mom.   It's amazing how you remember dates after a loved one dies.    I used to start statements with "I don't know how long it's been since I........."       Then, one day, you do remember the little things.    When I got my hair cut last week, I remembered the last time I had it cut.  July 12th.   The day before Mom's services.     When I'd go to the doctor and they'd ask for the date of my last period, or when something "started" bothering me, I had no clue.  I'd try to gauge dates but it was always approximate.   This last time I went to the doctor and had to offer up a date?  I had the date down to the hour.  July 5th.
My sciatica was acting up the day Mom was brought to the ER by my sister.  She told me to sit because I was standing... and I said I couldn't,  because it hurt to sit in a chair.  Especially a hard chair in the ER.   I know it was before noon; I had texted my sister that something wasn't right and she flew back to the hospital, probably knowing what Mom already knew.

What I can say, about this past 3 months, is that I haven't reached that point of 'it gets easier as time goes on'.   Many people have offered that piece of wisdom, but, so far, it hasn't rung true for me.

  I read that there are 5 stages of grief : 

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

I'm not quite sure which stage I'm in yet.    But I would be willing to bet that I'm stuck right smack in between 1 & 2.   Although, truth be told, I'm really finding that I've got quite a bond going on with #1.     It's comfy here and I'm afraid to move on to the next ones because #5 just seems so far away right now. (not to mention: 'unwelcome')  

 If it weren't for my memories - OUR memories - that my sister and I have, I might be a lot worse off. Thank God we're so close and we have this bond - We laugh more than we cry... but we still hurt, together.. and individually.
I keep remembering a conversation that I had with my sister last weekend, when we were discussing Mom, as we often do.  When I said to her.. I might appear to be, but "I'm not ok" -   I was mentioning how Saturdays feel like my worst days - and I'm not sure why.  I always find that Jeff and I end up talking about and remembering Mom and it always sends me into a tizzy.  I've found myself literally sobbing and trying to talk through my blubbering, to my husband, just trying to express what I was feeling at that very moment.  I feel like a 5 year old.  I got so angry 2 weekends ago on our ride home from dinner, and through my sobbing and spewing tears on my lap,  I just started mouthing off about people who don't appreciate their parents  or taking them for granted. For all the fights and things left unsaid.  The apologies that were never offered, the fences that were never mended.  It sucks to just fall apart at some of the LEAST opportune times but it can be so therapeutic.    It seems like once I get it all out, I'm totally fine.  And yeah,  I don't get that either.  How I went from a complete, teary mess, to being completely calm and collected?   I've always been the 'kid' who held it all in, even as an adult. But, lately, with what's been the first BIG loss in my life,  it's out of my control and I succumb to the damn grief - EVERY SINGLE TIME.     The last good sob session, I was recollecting the day at the hospital, when Mom passed.   My sisters and I were huddled at Mom's bedside and I just remember my little sister being on the right of me, just falling into my side with her head hung over in total despair as she sobbed into a blanket.   In that moment, she was a little girl to me again.   A little, helpless, adolescent girl that needed me.  So I held her and rubbed her back... not muttering a single word.  Sometimes I forget that we actually watched my mom die.   Those are the hardest words for me to say and I haven't said "die" or "died" since that day.  I always say "when Mom passed".   Or I say "Mom's services" - never "Mom's funeral".   That, I would think falls right into Stage 1:   Big fat denial.   

I seem to go through a lot of  "I still can't believe it" days.   I was so sad one day,  I told my husband I was finding myself questioning things and needed to know that Mom went to Heaven and wasn't upset with me.    I said, half jokingly, "Maybe God will let me do a trial run"... Jeff got all emotional and said "No" - and that he wasn't ready for that.

The craziest part of this grief process, for me, is that I really believed I was ok.   In the weeks after Mom died, I was doing so well I was scaring myself.  Woo, I got this!   I thought that I was one strong woman!  And then slowly, in recent weeks,  it has crept in.   I started falling apart anywhere I could.    I was having mood swings, finding myself being bitchy, and then panic attacks?  What the hell was that?  I wasn't that person.   There are so many raw emotions that have taken over and have made themselves cozy.   I constantly question things, wrestle with the 'what ifs' and 'why nots' and relive some of the worst moments.. leading up to and after Mom's passing.   Why would anyone do that?   I find that I just can't help it.  It's not really voluntary, as far as I can see.   In the week or so after Mom died, I checked in with my sisters and brother to see how they were coping.   My brother never answered so I asked his girlfriend.  I was worried about him because he was like a stone at the hospital that day.   Until.... I grabbed him and hugged him, telling him to let it out like we were.   I felt like I was conducting a ceremony that day - Trying to keep everyone calm and encouraged about where Mom was going; finding peace in her no longer fighting the battle.  
So, yes, this whole "grief" thing is the pits.   And I know it's too early on, to even think that I might be close to feeling any better, any day soon.   It's not like every 10th of the month is a complete nightmare for me.   At least, I don't really see it that way.  I think about my mom EVERY single day anyway, but the 10th just makes it a little more difficult and it brings back so many memories.  I thought it was so sweet, that on the first month anniversary of Mom's passing, my sister and I each received beautiful heartfelt cards from each of our own good friends- offering their continued prayers and encouragement.  I thought that was such a gesture of friendship that they remembered and they wanted to check in on us.  It meant more than they could ever imagine.

I've actually looked into and thought about going to a local grief support group. I don't know what to expect, really.   I just imagine walking into the room for the first time and feeling overwhelmed beyond words.   I'm afraid I'll start bawling or just freeze up.   I do think it could help to be among other folks who are going through grief and loss, and can relate to all of these feelings.    I know that there is no magic word or formula to eradicate the sadness or the void but I think I'm going to try to attend at least one session.  Have any of you had any experience with grief support or bereavement groups?  I'm so curious to hear about it, if you have.   My mom left behind a 7 year old granddaughter, her first grandchild, that she absolutely adored.. and I know that she too is struggling with the loss of Mom.   There are times when she won't even mention "Grandmom" or look at a picture.    I made my sister and her a mini album with pictures of Mom through the years and my sister said that M wouldn't even look at it, she refused,  until a few days ago - but she asked Tammy to look at it "with" her.   It breaks my heart, maybe even more than my own feelings of loss, that M is so young and is grappling with grief like we are.   She absolutely loved my mom, she spent so much time with her and did so many things that she enjoyed, with her.  It was a blow to her little heart too and I wish I could heal that hurt.   We don't force her to talk about it - My sister lets her talk when she wants to but doesn't try to make it obligatory.  I can honestly tell you, when we knew Mom was passing, my heart hurt the most for M.   I didn't know how she'd take the news or how it would affect her at such a young, impressionable age.  You want to believe that there's a time and a place to tell a child something like that.. What really is the best setting for that kind of news?    There's no good scenario, I don't think.    The day we picked her up from her father's, my sister and I drove all the way down to the shore to get her - and I kid you not, I truly believe that M knew what had happened.   That grand mom went to Heaven.  It felt like the longest ride of our lives.  My heart escaping to my stomach each time I feared that she'd ask about Mom.  Tammy and I were so uneasy on the way home, because we both felt that she knew.   I was so afraid every time she'd talk to us that she was going to mention Mom's name... but eerily enough, she never did.   And that was unusual.   In her bedroom, M has a stash of Mom's things that she's been, evidently, putting away for safe keeping.  My sister found it one day and was immediately brought to tears.    She's collected the simplest of things but to her they are memories and pieces of the grand mom that she so loved and cherished.   I think we've all got our own little box of memories.   They're tangible reminders and they are irreplaceable.  Which is why I was so pissed off when the girl at the phone store "accidentally" erased everything in my phone.  Including saved text messages from Mom.  Wishing me happy birthday, or saying "Good Night, I love you".    Of course, I remember Mom saying those things, so I shouldn't need an old text message to remind me.  It was just nice to have.

We haven't touched Mom's  bedroom or her things yet.   I'm afraid that we will be "disposing" of  the memory in some way.   It's hard to describe the feeling I have when I think about it.   You don't want to make anything final.. as if death wasn't already.   I still have mom's sweater in my car, and I can't bring myself to launder it let alone get rid of it.   It still has her scent.   The last time I cleaned my car out, I held it up to my face and made sure it still "spoke" of her, and it did... and for that moment, she was there with me.  
Sometimes I just feel so emotional and unable to control the tears or the hurt, but I try to remember that it's 'normal'.   That's what I hear, at least.   One of the things that I will forever remember someone saying to me was "It's ok to not be ok".   I felt such relief when he said it... I actually thanked him.   Just those 6 words were so profound and I hold onto them, whenever I think that I'm carrying on with this 'grief' thing a little too much.  I don't know when I'll be at ACCEPTANCE's doorstep but for now, I'm standing still and getting through it, every single day. 



Friday, October 04, 2013

Soggy Cereal

You probably thought that was a metaphor or something - But I had to post this today.
It's just too fun.  Or funny.   Or ridiculous.

When I took my niece to soccer practice on Monday night, the moms were all sitting around talking per the usual.
One of them had a catalog of things her daughter was selling at school (the ol' yearly school fundraiser) -
Soon, they were all hovered around chatting about the "soggy cereal" bowl.     They were all hootin' and hollarin' about how awesome it was - because they all hated soggy cereal.   And who doesn't?  Yick.
Some cereals just MUSH up as soon as the milk hits them, others can hold out a little longer.
 They all stopped short of asking how and where to order when the gal holding the catalog announced that it was selling for $17...  What?   Really?   Someone could totally make something very similar to this and sell it for a lot less... or hell, get 2 bowls and just spoon it into the milk each time.  
I thought that was way expensive - although I really appreciated the concept.




Thursday, October 03, 2013

Thursday Thoughts

I wanted to post an entry today, but couldn't settle on any one topic, so I decided to just do a potpourri of my thoughts.    I like catching up on what every one's doing or not doing, so I try to stay as current as possible, updating you with the goings on in my own life.    

♥  Last weekend,  I went to a different church for Sunday mass.  I missed the last mass at our own church, but luckily, I found an evening mass at another local Catholic church.  I'd been at this particular church before, for an anniversary mass that the diocese held. 
 (My in laws were participants).  But other than that, I don't think I'd ever attended mass here before.    What can I say about my visit?  Not enough.   I was so uplifted - and I think that's just what I needed.   I can't quite explain it, but there was an all together different feel about this church.   The music, for one, was fantastic!   Gone was the monotone, solo singer from my own parish... that felt so familiar, yet so "old school".    This church had a 3 piece band!   When I was walking in with my niece, I said to her "Wow, it's so loud in there, I wonder if they're finishing up something, before mass starts?"..   Nope, it was their musical ensemble.  (this might seem trivial to most, but it's something I'd wished to see a change in over the years at our own church(es).   
The first song that I heard in its entirety was "Open The Eyes of My Heart"...  I love that song!   I truly felt like I was meant to be there.    I don't know if it would be wrong of me, but I could definitely see myself 'changing' parishes.   This church was so much more involved; they have many more ministries than my current parish, and I just felt SO WELCOME.    The bulletin, itself, was full of information, events and announcements.  I particularly found myself interested in the prayer group and grief support group that meets each week.   I already contacted the gal about details.     I was equally pleased when I mentioned it to my husband last night, about how much I enjoyed it, and he said that he would go sometime.   I know God doesn't care where I worship him; I'm just having a moral debate in my head right now.



♥ YARD SALES!    I love them.   The good ones.
 Sometimes, we hit some great yard sales!  Talk about some awesome yard sale finds~

The weekend before, we went to a moving sale & scored a new long resin table and 7 brand new chairs for our deck!  All for $5  -- They even threw in the vintage beer glasses my husband was planning on buying.     Then, we hit a yard sale a couple of streets from us and scored more great stuff for very little money.   I bought a brand new, in the box, 9ft lit garland from Target - for $2 -    The hubby wanted the window fan they were selling for $1 - (the kind with 2 small fans in it and it spans the width of the window)   This thing works great! -  and he also bought a set of Sharper Image wireless speakers (that we'll use outside) -- for $5~      These things still had a Sharper Image sticker on them (they sold for $99 at one time) --  And they work!   The sound is excellent - I've wanted a pair of wireless speakers for a while.   It depends on where we end up, but usually we can get great bargains.  And Jeff likes to bargain with people - I haven't worked up the nerve to haggle yet.  I doubt I ever will.


♥  I crawled out from under my rock and got an iPhone.  Well, I took my sister's old one - but it's NEW to me.    And I love it.   I don't know how I ever lived without it.   (which is very materialistic for me to say) --   But I really think I'm addicted to it.   Now, granted, it's not like the Candy Crush craze that has everyone in a tizzy - I don't even like Candy Crush.  
But I really like this iPhone!   So many apps to be had, so many things you can do with it.  I've already got the apps for CVS, Walgreens, Dunkin Donuts, .... I love that I can scan my prescription and it sends the refills!   Whoa!~   

♥ Last Friday night,  Jeff and I went to a comedy show at a local restaurant.  It was a fundraiser for the 5th grade of a local school.   I didn't have high expectations, but man, it was great!   I laughed so much.     What a great time & something we haven't done together before.  It was just a really good time - I've even looked into hosting a fundraiser there myself, already.   
(I'll post about that great cause later)


♥  I've added a couple things to my page - (the "Quit Smoking" widget)  - and the Twitter widget... so you can follow me, if you're on Twitter!    I tweet like a maniac, some days...  Can't help it.  

So, that wraps up my Thursday Thoughts post.    Hope you're having a great week so far -