Soul Searching

I've recently just returned to Church - which means I've also recently returned to God.
I've been going every weekend for the past couple months now and I can honestly tell you that I'm so content. Life may not be quite the way I'd like it to be right now and things may not be in the order I wish they were, but if nothing else, I have my Faith and my relationship with God. It's almost scary and I don't want to question it too much; but I feel like I was "pulled" back into the Church. I would go now and again when I had to or when I felt like I needed that cleansing feeling, but this time around, it seems like a force that swept me off my feet. I've always needed Faith in my life but I questioned it A LOT. I wasn't sure if it was fact or fiction - cult or community?
I still have questions today but not as much skepticism. I feel as if it has really brought something to my relationship with J too. We are both very committed to practicing our faith now..More than we ever were. Every time I leave Mass, it's such a gratifying experience.
I am really pleased that J grew up in a home where God was acknowledged and sought.
In later years as he and his siblings aged, they were on their own terms as to whether they wanted to continue a relationship with God or not. Much to their mom's dismay, they all pretty much strayed from the church; mostly attending just for weddings, christenings and holidays. When I did go to Mass for what was the first of many times with J, I was so impressed at all the things he recalled. He knew all the responses, and the prayers etc..
I guess it helped that it was a part of his life for so long, even though he'd left the church at a fairly early age. I didn't really grow up with religion. I did go to CCD and made my Holy Communion but I didn't want to continue my classes any further and my mother didn't object. So I never did make my Confirmation. But I have a strong desire to get that accomplished now. I feel somewhat "unfinished".
I always tell J that we left God; He did not leave us. I feel like we're back where we belong now. When times get tough I pray - I have a mini - wallet sized prayer book that I keep in my purse and it helps to get me through trying times. It truly does help to put things in a better perspective. It eases my mind. When I'm at Church, I feel like it's the one place I know I'll always 'belong'. No one is there to judge me. I know that God is the one ideal that will always be a constant in my life - as long as I don't stray.

I know religion is one of those things you don't discuss, but this is my blog and these are my thoughts. So I'm sharing!




"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).

Unconditional Love...

I wish I could tell you, in just a few words, what it feels like when my niece hugs me. It is the sweetest, most heartfelt thing in the world! That tiny little embrace says a million things all at once, and can make the worst day ever just diminish! Even though she can't quite get her little arms around you; it's enough that you just feel your heart smiling~

I hope those hugs last forever- She is so precious.

Wii Wii Wii all the way ........

So, after much of my raving and obsessing about it; J bought the Nintendo Wii.
Let me tell you: It is so awesome! I have been so into it since we got it and I knew I would be! It is the coolest game system so far - at least in my opinion. I'm wondering if I've lost any weight or at least inches like most of the people have claimed to have lost while using it.

And believe me when I say that you are very physically active with this game. The first night I played at Carol's house, I was so sore the next few days and I worked up a colossal sweat!
You are constantly moving some part of your body - and it is a major work out!

Frustration?

I seems like it never fails - Anytime I go to my "doctor"; I always end up in a room next to the room where a woman is hearing the heartbeat of her unborn child. I've started to think of it as almost torture! I've not been able to get pregnant in the past 6 yrs and even before that I'd tried. Problem is I lack the Progestin or Progesterone (whichever it is) -- I have way too much Estrogen and that's what causes all my issues and also prevents me from becoming pregnant.
At times, I go through the motions of wanting a baby and then not wanting a baby this far along in life. In any case; I'm always disappointed that I wasn't blessed with children. I've pretty much hung up the idea at this point. J is almost 40 and I'm going to be 32. I just get so depressed sometimes because if anyone ever wanted to be a mom; it was me! I often thought about what he/she would look like and what pregnancy would be like. I've always felt like I was meant to be a mom but at the same time I kind of had a feeling that it would never happen. Almost an intuition. Now, I sit back and look and I realize that pretty much every one of my friends has children. I sometimes feel like I have nothing in common with them anymore. I know that is so far from the truth - but I can't shake the thought. Birthday parties for their kids can be such a drag because I sometimes feel like an outcast. They don't make me feel that way at all but it's just how it is. I often wonder if people just think I never had a desire to have children. Most of my closest friends know that I've always wanted children. Ugh!! It's just so hard sometimes.

Follow up to Weight Watchers post....

Hmmm.....yeah. I didn't keep up with WW. I lost the 6 lbs and stopped going.
I have no good excuse as to why either!!